12 Traits of a Narcissist in a Relationship

There are two types of narcissism: overt and covert. Overt narcissists are openly grandiose, while covert ones hide their self-importance behind emotional manipulation.

In relationships, narcissists manipulate their partners emotionally. For a narcissist, romantic actions aren’t about love but serve as a way to control their partner in a cycle of emotional abuse.

They can’t provide the support and emotional connection necessary for any balanced relationship to flourish. That’s why the partner of a narcissistic person often feels hopeless, unsafe, and undervalued. 

12 Traits of a Narcissist in a Relationship

1. Grandiosity and Self-Importance

Narcissists have an inflated sense of their own importance. They suffer from a superiority complex, which leads them to believe they are better than others. They exaggerate their achievements, expect special privileges, and act as if they are deserving of all the admiration just for existing.

In a relationship, this shows up as a one-sided dynamic where the narcissist dominates the conversation, dismisses their partner’s needs, and expects constant praise. Due to this imbalance, partners of narcissists end up feeling insignificant or undervalued.

For example, a narcissistic partner may insist on choosing all social activities, believing their taste is more refined than their partner’s. Or when their partner gets promoted, they may downplay the achievement, attributing it to their influence or shifting the conversation back to themselves.

2. Constant Need for Admiration

A narcissist has a pathological need for external validation. They need frequent praise to stabilize their fragile ego. Partners of narcissistic people are forced to become emotional caretakers and provide constant reassurance while getting none in return.

For instance, when children are involved, they may need constant validation that they're an outstanding parent, and become defensive or angry if suggested different approaches to parenting. Over time, the relationship becomes about managing the narcissist’s ego rather than mutual growth.

3. Preoccupation with Success or Power

Narcissists are obsessed with status symbols and hierarchical positioning, using external achievements to compensate for internal insecurity. They can’t prioritize the relationship or the other partner’s needs (and if they do, it’s with a lot of resentment) because their need to appear superior trumps everything else.

In their world, partners are like accessories to the narcissist’s self-image rather than autonomous individuals. A narcissist may parade their partner at company events or social gatherings, act sweet and caring, and then neglect them at home, where being a happy couple is no longer beneficial to their external image.

4. Sense of Entitlement

Narcissists believe they deserve special treatment. Rules and social norms don’t apply to them. In relationships, this shows up as expecting their partner to be available to them at all times without considering their partner’s time and energy levels.

A narcissist may show up late to dinner and expect their partner to wait without complaint, without feeling the need to apologize for the delay. Then they may dominate the conversation, barely acknowledge their partner’s input, and make demands about the food, service, or ambiance, and ignore their partner's preferences.

5. Lack of Empathy

Another key trait of a narcissist is the complete lack of empathy. A partner in a narcissistic relationship may feel profound isolation as their partner is unable to understand or genuinely share their emotional experience. This lack of compassion leaves them feeling unseen and alone.

For example, when a partner is upset after an argument with a friend, the narcissist may complain about their bad mood rather than offer comfort. During conflicts, narcissists often portray themselves as the victim. They may focus on the tone in which a grievance was expressed rather than listening to what the other partner is trying to communicate.

6. Manipulative or Exploitative Behavior

Narcissists use manipulative behavior to control a relationship. Their love is transactional. Affection and kindness come with the unspoken expectation that they will eventually receive a return on their investment. Narcissistic relationships are all about keeping score.

For example, they may pay for their partner's mother's medical bills or help through a family crisis, just to later use this as leverage: "After everything I've done for you, this is how you repay me?" These patterns create an atmosphere of constant uncertainty and distrust.

7. Envy or Belief Others Are Envious

Narcissists are often envious, yet they believe others are envious of them. This dual perspective creates toxic relationship dynamics in which partners must downplay their successes and achievements. The narcissist may resent a partner’s career advancement or social connections and accuse them of “showing off.” 

For example, when a partner gets a promotion at work, the narcissist will downplay it as luck rather than merit or claim colleagues only praised them out of pity. This pattern of narcissistic envy wears down the partner’s self-esteem and creates an atmosphere where achievements have to be hidden to avoid conflict.

8. Arrogant or Haughty Behavior

Narcissist sees themselves as intellectually or socially above their partner. This shows up through dismissive comments, eye-rolling, and frequent corrections of the partner’s speech or behavior. Partners feel constantly belittled as the narcissist frames their criticisms as “helpful advice”. 

A typical example is in social settings when the narcissist publicly mocks their partner’s pronunciation of a foreign word or “jokingly” corrects their grammar. This narcissistic arrogance perpetuates the power imbalance, leaving the partner feeling perpetually inadequate.

9. Sensitivity to Criticism

Despite their outward confidence, narcissists are extremely sensitive to even constructive feedback and see it as a personal attack. This hypersensitivity creates a walking-on-eggshells environment where partners avoid honest communication. The narcissist may respond to mild suggestions with rage, silent treatment, or counter-accusations. 

For example, when a partner gently mentions being late to events, the narcissist will explode about “always being blamed” or bring up unrelated grievances. This narcissistic defensiveness makes conflict resolution impossible and trains partners to suppress their needs to maintain peace.

10. Fantasy vs. Reality Confusion

Narcissists create and believe in self-serving fantasies that are the opposite of reality. In relationships, this shows up as gaslighting — the narcissist will deny saying hurtful things or rewrite shared history to fit their story. Partners end up feeling confused as the narcissist confidently tells them false memories.

A classic narcissistic trick is when the narcissist says, “I never said I would attend your cousin’s wedding,” despite previous agreements, and the partner starts to doubt their own memory. This distortion of reality keeps the narcissist’s perfect self-image and undermines the partner’s trust in their own perception.

11. Emotional Detachment

Narcissists can’t form deep connections because they can’t relate to and connect with their partner’s needs. This emotional unavailability creates one-sided relationships where the partner’s attempts at intimacy are met with withdrawal or annoyance. 

For example, when a partner is diagnosed with a serious illness, they may focus on how inconvenient the hospital visits will be for them instead of offering emotional support. 

12. Boundary Violations

Narcissists see their partner’s autonomy as an inconvenience, not a right. This includes monitoring communications, making unilateral decisions, and dismissing requests for personal space. Partners feel like property, not equals. 

A classic example of narcissistic boundary crossing is when the narcissist demands access to your email or social media accounts and says, “It’s proof of your loyalty”. These violations create an atmosphere of control and surveillance that slowly erodes your sense of self and independence.

Covert vs. Overt Narcissism

Overt narcissists are loud, boastful, and openly demand admiration. They believe they are superior and act accordingly. Covert narcissists seem shy or self-deprecating but harbor deep resentment and entitlement. They manipulate through pity, guilt, and subtle put-downs.

Behavioral Comparison

Overt Narcissist:

• "You're lucky to have me - no one else would put up with your flaws"
• Gets angry when you spend time with friends/family
• Expects you to drop everything for their needs

Covert Narcissist:

• "After all I've sacrificed for you, this is how you treat me?" (over minor issues)
• Sends mixed signals (hot/cold behavior) to keep you insecure
• Uses self-pity to avoid accountability: "I guess I'm just unlovable..."

Both types exploit relationships, but covert narcissists are harder to detect due to their victim mentality and indirect control tactics.

How Narcissistic Traits Impact Romantic Relationships

Narcissistic behavior creates a toxic dynamic that slowly drains a partner’s emotional well-being. Unlike healthy relationships built on mutual respect, narcissistic relationships follow a cycle of idealization, devaluation, and discard, leaving the non-narcissistic partner feeling drained, confused, and emotionally unsafe.

Effects on the Partner

• Confusion — Narcissists gaslight their partners, denying hurtful behavior or rewriting arguments 
• Self-Doubt — Constant criticism, negging, and blame-shifting wear down self-esteem. Partners start believing they’re “too sensitive” or “overreacting” to mistreatment.
• Exhaustion — Walking on eggshells to avoid outbursts or silent treatment is emotionally draining. The narcissistic abuse cycle (love-bombing → devaluation → hoovering) keeps partners trapped in hope that the “good version” of their partner will return.
• Isolation — Narcissists often control social interactions, making partners feel cut off from friends and family who might recognize the manipulation.

Signs Your Partner May Be Exhibiting These Patterns

• Love-bombing early on (excessive flattery, rapid commitment)
• Gaslighting (“You’re imagining things” / “I never said that”)
• Silent treatment as punishment
• Blame-shifting (always making you the problem)
• Jealousy & possessiveness disguised as “deep love”
• Inconsistent affection (hot-and-cold behavior)

What to Do If You See These Traits in a Partner

When you see narcissistic tendencies in your relationship, focus on self-protection rather than confrontation. The emotional turbulence created by these dynamics requires careful navigation to keep yourself safe.

Validate Your Experience

Narcissistic relationships involve gaslighting and cognitive dissonance. Keep a private record of interactions to combat self-doubt and keep perspective.

Set Boundaries

Implement emotional boundaries to protect yourself from manipulation. This might mean limiting discussions on certain topics or reducing availability for toxic exchanges.

Detached & Observe 

Instead of engaging in power struggles, be neutral. Recognize narcissistic injury responses when they happen without taking responsibility for them.

Get Objective Support

See a therapist who specializes in narcissistic abuse recovery. They can help you recognize trauma bonding and develop healthy coping skills.

Self-Care Routines

Counteract the depletion from the relationship by doing self-care consistently. This builds emotional resilience against the narcissist’s attempts to control.

Know the Limits

Understand that meaningful change in narcissists requires specialized therapy. Manage your expectations rather than hoping for a personality overhaul.

The way forward is about striking a balance and prioritizing self-preservation. By doing these protective things, you create space for clarity and informed decision-making about your relationship’s future.