What Is The No Contact Rule And Why It Works
Below, we’re exploring what the No Contact Rule is, and 5 clear indications that it’s working. Our goal is to help you heal, get your life back, smooth things over with your ex, and move on from the heartbreak.
If you’re reading this we know you’ve been going through some relationship problems. You’ve been through a breakup and now you’re looking for ways to stop the hurt. We know it’s not easy and unfortunately time is the only thing that will heal the deep emotional pain you’re feeling.
What Is The No Contact Rule? How Does It Work?
The No Contact Rule is used when a relationship ends. The idea is to cut off communication, including phone calls, SMS messages, DMs on social media platforms. and any other forms of contact between you and your ex.
You’ll often hear people talk about using the No Contact Rule to get an ex back. And that’s a very real possibility. But going No Contact isn’t about them or getting them back. It’s about you.
No Contact Rule works because it creates space between you and your heartbreak. It sets boundaries and provides clarity on what’s to come next. Here are a few core principles of going No Contact:
- No calls, no texts and no messages
- No checking their social media accounts
- No asking friends or family about them
- No visiting their workplace
- No “accidental” run-ins
In some cases, putting distance between you and your ex can make them miss you and they might even reach out to you. No Contact can help you rekindle your relationship but there’s no guarantee that’ll happen.
One of two things will happen after cutting off communication. A) Your ex will start missing hearing from you, they’ll reach out and you can build from there. B) You won’t hear from them and you’ll realize you can move on and be happy without them in your life.
5 Signs that Cutting Off Contact Works
#1 They Call, Text Or Reach Out To You
People lean into No Contact to put some space between themselves and their ex. So if your ex reaches out, it means they miss you. Calls, messages, likes and reactions on social media are all good signs that No Contact is working.
But here’s the thing: a message from them doesn’t mean they want to get back together. They might just be checking in because they’re worried about you especially if the breakup hit you hard. Or maybe they just need to grab their stuff.
Either way, hearing from them can be a good sign. It’s not a guaranteed “I want you back.” But it does mean they’ve noticed the distance and lack of communication and they’re willing to get in touch with you for one reason or another.
What matters most is how you feel when that message pops up. Do you feel ready to talk to them? Do you even want to hear from them? Were you starting to feel happy only to realize that their reaching out has thrown you into an emotional whirlwind?
Answering these questions honestly should help you know if No Contact is working.
#2 They Show You That They’re Missing You
Having your ex show you they miss you can come in many different forms. It could be an unsolicited phone call or a 2am text. It could even be them reacting to your posts on social media, like we’ve outlined above.
But it can also come in the form of having them talk about shared memories, especially if you’re meeting them for coffee after having been through a significant period of No Contact. If they haven’t seen you in a long time and now they’re talking about the “good old days,” it could be a sign they miss what you had together.
If they’re not showing any signs of missing you, then it’s important to stay No Contact for lasting results. Take time to look inward, find ways to work on yourself and focus on what matters in life.
#3 You See Them Trying To Make You Jealous
Be careful with this one because they might not be doing it on purpose. They might just be moving on with their life and not trying to make you jealous. And that’s why sticking to your decision to go No Contact is so important. You shouldn’t be checking their social media anyway and you certainly shouldn’t be aware of them making big life changes.
But if they are doing it intentionally, it is a good indication that No Contact is having an effect on them. If they’re showing off, making it hard for you to avoid seeing their posts, or trying to get your attention, it’s usually a good sign.
#4 You Find Out They’re Asking Mutual Friends Or Family About You
Another good sign that No Contact is working is if you find out from mutual contacts that they’ve been asking about you. Like our other indications, it's hard to read too much into this since they might just be asking out of genuine curiosity. But if they’ve been asking a lot of people about you and if they’re asking often, it could be a sign that they miss you.
Remember though it’s not unusual for feelings to linger weeks or even months after a breakup. So it’s not out of the ordinary to have a former partner ask about you, especially if No Contact has only recently been implemented. But if it’s been a long period of No Contact and you keep hearing them ask about it, it can be a positive sign.
#5 You Notice Yourself Feeling Happy Without Them
When it’s been a significant amount of time since hearing from them and it no longer hurts, that means you’re healing. Noticing other emotional shifts, where your mind moves from anger, sadness and despair towards more positive states of mind can also be positive indications that No Contact has worked.
When a relationship ends, there’s usually a good reason for it, even if it doesn’t feel that way right after things end. Most times, breakups come down to not being the right match. What feels like “little cracks” or flaws often turn out to be deep fault lines you just couldn’t see because you were too close.
So if you’re starting to smile again and feel lighter, that’s a big win. You’ve pushed through the toughest parts of No Contact. Improvement often appears as emotional detachment and restored clarity
When The No Contact Rule Might Not Be Working
It can be tough to reckon with a lack of progress. But stalled progress can happen. Here are some signs to watch for that may indicate No Contact isn’t working:
- Obsessive thoughts
- Anger or bitterness
- Jealousy
- Intrusive thoughts
- Emotional stagnation
- Lack of clarity
These negative emotions are all quite common when No Contact first starts. Especially if you were hoping your ex would reach out and you haven’t heard from them. But you have to stay consistent and stick to the plan. Once enough time has passed you will heal. It’s just a matter of time.
How Long Does It Take to Know If No Contact Is Working?
It can take a few days, a few weeks or even months to know if No Contact is working. But there are no set stages or timelines. The more time that passes the more you can be sure No Contact is working.
Creating distance will help you find the emotional readiness to move on with your life. So don’t focus too much on the days or how long it’s been since you’ve heard from them. Instead put yourself first and focus on ways to better yourself and move on without them.
FAQ
Now that we’ve covered the No Contact rule in depth let’s take a quick look at some optional advice and questions we often hear from our readers.
How can I tell if the No Contact Rule is working?
When you go No Contact you’ll either notice signs your ex misses you or you’ll notice nothing but silence. That silence might pique their curiosity and you might notice them stalking your social media or even reaching out to you. Or you’ll notice you’re focusing on yourself instead. Either way it’s a clear sign No Contact is working.
Is It a sign the No Contact Rule is working if my ex views my stories or reacts to my posts?
It could be but don’t read too much into it. Social media signals like these could mean they’re experiencing emotional curiosity and deliberately checking on you. But it could also mean they’ve simply checked their account and your story popped up without them intending to see it.
How long does No Contact take to work?
There’s no exact timeline. It could be a few hours, a few days or even a few months. But the more time that elapses the more likely you are to find emotional clarity and see progress. It’s always going to hurt at first but as time goes by you’ll heal and realize No Contact has worked.
Is it a sign No Contact isn’t working if they don’t contact me?
No. Remember the emotional distance caused by No Contact isn’t meant to get your ex back. It’s meant to help you heal. It can be tough to deal with a lack of response and no closure. But not hearing from them especially if it’s been a long time should be closure in itself.
Is it okay to test No Contact Rule boundaries and check their social media during No Contact?
No! Absolutely not! Reaching out to your ex whether through calls, texts or by checking their social media is strictly prohibited during No Contact. It won’t be easy but if there ever was a time in your life to have self discipline this is it. In fact I recommend putting yourself through a digital detox. Delete social media for a bit, go outside, breathe some fresh air and give yourself time to find the emotional clarity you need.
Should I respond if they text me after No Contact?
It depends on why they’re reaching out to you, how much time has gone by and your emotional readiness. If you feel like you’re ready to start reconnecting either as friends or something more it’s up to you. If not it’s CRUCIAL to stick to your boundaries and not respond to them. Remember you need time to heal so there’s nothing wrong with ignoring their messages or leaving them on read.
Does emotional healing after No Contact mean it’s working?
Yes. Any signs of emotional healing, emotional independence, clarity or happiness means No Contact is and has worked. No Contact is about self care. So you need to use this time to focus on yourself and not the other person.
Why does the No Contact Rule hurt so much at first?
It hurts because you were used to hearing from your former partner and now they’re nowhere to be found. When we’re in relationships our partners are often the people we talk to most. So it’s not surprising that when relationships end it feels like we’ve lost a friend, our closest companion and that will hurt at first.
I don’t know if I should wait or move on?
You need to look inside yourself to answer this one. But it’s never a good idea to wait around for someone who might not come back, especially if it’s been weeks or months. The whole point of No Contact is you need to move on and focus on yourself.
