Of the many things that could happen to you when being in love with someone, benching is one of the most offensive ones. When you feel like your crush only sees you as a second option, it might hurt your feelings a lot. But what is benching? And most importantly - how can you deal with it?
How to know if you are being benched?
Let’s imagine that you constantly get mixed signals that make you feel confused. So, what is benching? When someone you like only sees you as their second option, so they don’t let you go, but also don’t initiate anything with you - then you know that they’re benching you. Also, there are a few tips that can help you get it what benching in dating is.
The Intermittent Player
Imagine a sports team with a player sitting on the bench, occasionally called into the game. In dating, benching involves sporadic interactions or engagements, with one person participating only when it suits them.
Inconsistent Involvement
Benching is marked by irregular and unpredictable involvement. One moment, there's active participation and also interest, and the next, there's silence or withdrawal. This inconsistency can keep the other person guessing about the nature of the bond.
Undefined Relationship Status
Unlike clear-cut dating or committed bond, benching thrives in the gray area. The relationship status remains undefined, allowing the bencher to avoid commitment while keeping the other one emotionally invested.
The bencher may give just enough attention or affection to keep the other person interested but without explicitly committing to a deeper bond.
Ambiguous Intentions
Benching often involves vague or ambiguous intentions. The bencher may give just enough attention or affection to keep the other person interested but without explicitly committing to a deeper bond.
Game of Emotions
Picture a game where emotions are in play, and the rules are unclear. Benching involves toying with the emotions of the person on the sidelines, creating a scenario where they oscillate between hope and confusion.
On-and-Off Dynamics
Benchers often initiate on-and-off dynamics, resembling a switch that can be flicked on or off at will. This pattern reinforces the uncertainty of the relationship and can leave the person on the receiving end feeling emotionally exhausted.
What to do if someone is benching you?
Now, when you know what benching in dating is, then it’s time to learn how to deal with benching dating. While it might still hurt because of the inconsistent nature of the relationship, here are a few rules that can help you minimize the damage of benching dating.
Trust Your Instincts
Trust your instincts and acknowledge your feelings. If you sense inconsistency or a lack of commitment from your partner, don't dismiss these emotions. Your instincts are valuable guides in understanding the dynamics of the bond.
Define Your Boundaries
Clearly define your boundaries based on what you need in a relationship. Communicate the level of commitment you're seeking and establish boundaries that align with your emotional well-being.
Your emotional well-being is paramount, and staying in a love bond that doesn't meet your needs may hinder your personal growth and happiness.
Evaluate Their Response
Pay close attention to your partner's response. Assess whether they are receptive to your concerns and willing to engage in a constructive conversation. Their response can provide great insights into their commitment level.
Consider Your Well-Being
If your partner's actions consistently fall short of your expectations, consider whether the love bond is meeting your needs and if it aligns with your long-term goals.
Be Prepared to Walk Away
Be prepared to walk away if the situation doesn't improve. Your emotional well-being is paramount, and staying in a love bond that doesn't meet your needs may hinder your personal growth and happiness.
How to avoid benching?
The best way to deal with benching is to avoid it - and that’s how you can do it.
Define Expectations Early
From the outset, communicate openly about your expectations and intentions in the relationship. Discuss what you're looking for and ensure both partners are on the same page regarding commitment levels.
Express Your Needs
Clearly articulate your emotional needs and also expectations for consistent involvement. Express the importance of regular communication and shared experiences, fostering an environment of great mutual understanding.
Establish Boundaries
Set healthy boundaries that align with your emotional well-being. Define what is acceptable in terms of communication frequency, time spent together, and the level of commitment you're seeking.
Check-In Regularly
Foster open communication by regularly checking in with each other. Discuss how you're feeling about the connection, address any concerns, and ensure that both lovers feel heard and understood.
If you both envision a shared future, it reinforces a sense of commitment and reduces the likelihood of benching behavior.
Evaluate Consistency
Pay attention to the consistency of your partner's actions and engagement. Evaluate whether there's a pattern of reliability or if there are noticeable lapses in communication and involvement.
Trust Your Instincts
Trust your instincts and feelings. If you sense a lack of commitment or notice inconsistent behavior, address it early on. Acknowledge your feelings and have an honest dialogue with your lover.
Communicate About Future Plans
Discuss future plans and aspirations as a couple. If you both envision a shared future, it reinforces a sense of commitment and reduces the likelihood of benching behavior.
