Dating is hard: some people act like it’s a real game with winners and losers and follow tactics to seduce and attract their potential partners. We’ve all heard that the dating process should be natural and humble: even though most people know they shouldn’t pretend to be anyone else but themselves, they still try their best to impress their companions. The main rule is pretty general: confident and straightforward people seem attractive and reliable for most people around, so this tactic is widely used by everyone. Even though lots of people use doubtful pick-up lines and cheesy phrases, the result is pretty the same: most women don’t want intimacy on their first date. But why so?

To understand that logic some men surf the internet and ask their friends what they’ve done wrong. Indeed, even if a girl really likes you she will avoid having sex with a guy on the very first date. There are always lots of exceptions, but if we speak about potential long-lasting relationships instead of hook-ups when both partners know exactly what’s that all for, we can clearly see there’s a block in women’s heads towards being intimate too quickly. Some of the reasons are pretty obvious while the others are hidden: you need to understand ladies well if you want to be successful with them.

Why first date sex used to be tabooed

Everything changes constantly: social norms which were extremely important in the past are considered too conventional and conservative for most modern people while things which were pretty normal in the past are judged now in most Western countries. The same goes with having sex with the first date: it used to be inconceivable a few decades ago but now more and more people tend to ignore the unwritten rule. While in some countries it’s still seen as unacceptable to hold hands while being on public, the Western world openly talks about the sex education and all the questions lots of people are too afraid to ask. Being modest and humble is still appreciated but if you don’t want to be so - that’s your right to choose in a modern world.

Many people consider, that you can’t judge the qualities of a good man or a good girl on the first date. The “three dates rule” claims that you shouldn’t have sex not only on a first date but also on the second and third ones too. Even if you’re madly in love and feel like the person is extremely suitable for you, there’s no chance: most women are taught that they lose their value if they are too available. The old stereotype about men who are chasers and women who play hard-to-get is still alive: women believe they will be seen as spoiled and nasty if they had sex on the first date even with someone they like. Even if a lady is single and unspoiled she’s afraid to be ashamed and accused: no one wants to look inappropriate for a person they like.

Most people become even more attached to their partners after having real first date sex because they have a strong mutual emotional connection with them.

Also, lots of women interested in long-lasting relationships think that they need to know their partners better before being physically close with them. They need to know you better as a person because their physical attraction is not enough: even if you pay a lot of attention to sex you should admit that it’s much more pleasant and exciting when you have a mental connection with your partner. Everything becomes brighter and more sensitive: people who like not only your appearance but also your mind and character are much more attracted to you than strangers. Being with someone special who sees something special in you is amazing and women seek this kind of relationship a lot.

Another important thing which sometimes becomes an insurmountable problem is that women are afraid their partners will lose their interest in them after they have sex. In fact, the fear is based on a stereotype about the chasers: some men might think it’s too easy and their inner tumbler turns off immediately. Actually, it’s hard to lose interest in someone you really like after having sex if something was great - you definitely can do something wrong and repel your potential partner, but in other cases, it’s not the reason. Most people become even more attached to their partners after having real first date sex because they have a strong mutual emotional connection with them. At the same time, it’s important to understand your potential partner’s goals and preferences in advance: you can’t conquer someone who’s not into serious relationships and wants only sex. If you feel like your companion is only interested in a one-night stand, then you can take it or leave it - we can’t force anyone and change them.

Why having sex on the first date is normal

Now when you know why women may have issues with having intimacy in the very beginning of a relationship you should also know why it’s completely OK to do so if you want it. It goes without saying that both partners should want the same - that’s obvious. But most people tend to leash their wishes and control themselves: sometimes an ability to say “no” to yourself is a great thing but sometimes it makes you lose lots of interesting experiences as well. An adult person having complexes and taboos should ask themself what is the real reason to limit their needs and wishes and where it comes from. At the end of a day you only need to be true to yourself - and that’s it.

If you feel that you’ve met an amazing person who makes you mad about them, then you might have an amazing experience of being intimate with someone not only physically attractive but also mentally suitable for you.

Whether your goal is to have a quick hookup and leave or to have something real which can potentially lead to a serious relationship you should know what you are ready for. You don’t have to avoid sex if you want it just like you definitely don’t have to be intimate with someone you dislike. When you’re a mature and adult person who knows what they want you can easily find all the pros and cons of someone you’re on a date with and the possibility of having anything with them. Sometimes we just can’t control our instincts: an attractive person might be just “not your type” while an average-looking person causes your excitation. That’s normal: you just need to know yourself first.

There are some reasons why having it on a first date is fine if you want to. Some of them might look pretty subjective to you because we are all different and have different mindsets and opinions and that’s fine. You may find some of the answers you need only by talking to yourself - and that’s the thing that most people can’t help you with. But if you hesitate, then read why you can go for it:

• It doesn’t make you a worse person if you do it on a first date. Even though it might seem obvious, there are still lots of women who have their self-esteem tightly connected with their availability. The concept doesn’t work anymore: you’re not an object and sex is not the only thing which makes you valuable and important. If your potential partner thinks differently - then it’s a bad potential partner for you;
• Waiting for three or more days to pass before doing it doesn’t help to have long-term relationships with people who are not interested in having them. You might have ten casual dates with sex on the eleventh one and a person will still ghost you after. It’s not about waiting - it’s more about honesty and straightforwardness about what you’re looking for;
• Protection is extremely important for having hookups with attractive partners you still don’t know well. Following all the necessary rules makes sex safe and won’t have any unpleasant effects afterwards. Indeed, you don’t lose anything after having sex - and you don’t receive anything except pleasure if you know how to do it right;
• You're an adult and you have all the moral rights to decide whether you want to do it. An outdated concept of being untouched for very special people is important for you if you want it to be that way, but if you seek something casual to make your routine a bit more pleasant and adventurous, then no one has rights to judge you. You might also be interested in experimenting with polyamorous relationships, and nobody should judge you for that either;
• You won’t be young again. Actually, it’s not about age - it’s about your inner self-perception and the way you feel, so you still can feel young when you’re mature. When you’re older your physical abilities might decrease and you won’t be able to have as much as you have now, so use it! Being older you still can have a lot of sex, but probably you will have so many other things to do that you won’t have time or energy to enjoy in on the same level;
• If you feel that you’ve met an amazing person who makes you mad about them, then you might have an amazing experience of being intimate with someone not only physically attractive but also mentally suitable for you. The excitement of being with someone new doesn’t last forever - so you should use the most of it. Who knows, maybe that will actually grow into something amazing?