If you are one of the singles over 50 you might have thought that by this age you should have already been done with dating and settling in a stable family because it’s a stereotype that people dating over 30 is about to get married and create their families. But overall it’s not that uncommon for people in their 50's to be looking for a partner, even though the concept of dating being solely for young people is still strongly rooted in society.
For most people in this age group getting back to the dating scene seems tricky, as times of romantic interactions are long gone. It’s not uncommon to come across hardships of meeting new acquaintances at that age, and it corresponds with the idea of romantic commitment makes things complicated.
Another thing that might cause issues when it comes to dating in your 50s is the background you are carrying with you along the road.
Nevertheless, dating as a person over 50 can still be an enjoyable experience. Since that age group doesn’t often know how to start and behave, we have found some useful advice on over 50s dating.
Look forward to the future
Studies show that singles of 50 and over tend to be pretty pessimistic in their expectations of a partner and relationship overall. The baggage each of the partners is carrying is too much and it prevents from building new and healthy affairs with freshly met acquaintances.
The best policy is staying positive.
There is no such person who has never gone through a break-up as well as struggled with not being compatible with their partner. But when you are younger, you don’t seem to treat it as a reason for failing every time from now on. As you get older though romantic setbacks become an unbearable weight.
Don’t bring negative expectations into your affairs to build. Wait for the better and do everything needed from your side to make an experience pleasant from both sides. Also, don’t talk too much about your past relationships when you start dating somebody. Your dates are intended for building something new and becoming closer rather than dwelling on past experiences and bad memories.
It is a problem that people regardless of age come across. But dating over 50 you probably have it stuck in your mind. Remember:
- Everybody has an image of a perfect partner and an ideal perspective of a relationship in one’s had.
- It especially influences a view of a real person, as it is common to associate the desired traits with the actual person even though he or she might not have the character you expect.
After you face the reality and find out the date is not actually what you dream of, it’s easy to get disappointed fast, break up and think of it as another failure. But if you don’t expect too much and focus on actually finding more about a person rather than imagining a perfect picture in your head you probably will find more pleasure in being with your date.
Take action into your own hands
Don’t expect somebody else to make the first steps. Singles over 50 start being afraid of dating and making mistakes so it is common to avoid being open. That leads to expecting the other one to start the conversation, postponing asking to go out and staying on the same stage for too long just because moving on feels scary. That’s why expecting others to make the first steps can take a while until you actually start communicating.
On the other hand, if you start acting, the chances of meeting people and making connections become higher. Say hi, ask questions, make jokes, be open, and it will make it easier to meet singles in the age of 50 and older.
Online dating is a great opportunity for people over 50 to step out of the comfort zone of surroundings they are used to and get acquainted with new people. Even though you might have never tried it in the past and therefore it seems a little suspicious, don’t be scared. Online dating nowadays is the best tool to find a partner for dating over 40 or older, as it gives a bigger variety of options than you get offline.
Do not forget about personal dates
We should not forget about classic dates, despite the huge popularity of dating sites. Do not confine yourself to the Internet and forget about romantic dinners and pleasant walks in the park.
Ask friends, relatives or acquaintances to introduce you to someone. This is the easiest and most reliable way to find a partner. Do not refuse to visit corporate parties, excursions and work. Sign up for a book club or other interest group: play golf, play bowling, drink coffee in some nice place. Go to places where you have not been before. In your favourite bar, there is a very low probability of meeting someone new. Go to another coffee shop on the way home from work or try going to a new gym or yoga studio.
If you tried everything above, but did not achieve any success, there is another option. You can try contacting the dating service. Their services are expensive, but they can do their job. You will be offered a person who suits you and also in a relationship search. You know what you pay for.
Don't take failures to heart
People who have not been dating for a long time can be dumbfounded by the refusal and be very upset. Do not take the refusal at your own expense, most likely it will not be in you.As a rule, people refuse when they have someone or when they don’t want a relationship. These are their problems, but not yours. A person can be shy or not want to tell a stranger that he already has someone (maybe not just one) or say that with a person like you he would like a simple friendship. People have a lot of reasons to refuse. Everyone has their own problems, precisely for this reason you should not worry so much.
Perhaps you just did not like the person. There is a principle like with olives. Many people hate them and pick them out of salads and pizzas, while others can eat a whole can in 5 minutes and ask for supplements. Imagine that you are an olive and you need to find your gourmet. It will be very good if you find it in the first week, but the likelihood of this is very low. It will take a long and hard work, it is possible to accept dozens of failures, but it is definitely worth it. Go ahead and look for a lover of olives.
Don't be upset about a couple of bad dates
When you go from dating to dating, other difficulties arise. The search for your soulmate is not always simple and fun. You have to go through a couple of unpleasant moments. You will be fabulously lucky if you find your love on a couple of first dates. Establishing one’s personal life doesn’t seem like a swing - it buys a lot of ups and downs before the swing hangs at the top.
You may be disappointed in people with a closer acquaintance and this is normal. We form a definite opinion about a person when we see his profile or him on the street. We come up with a story, past, future, behaviour, and then get upset when something goes wrong. This is not surprising, for this there are first dates. Your search may take several years and you need to be prepared for this.
Do not drag your past into the future
We all have setbacks that prevent us from living fully and having our own personal lives. A lot of adults think that nobody needs them, but this is not true. No matter how many children you have or how many divorces you have experienced, there will be a loving person for you.
It is important to understand this and not to give up, continue to search and fight for your happiness. These problems need to be overlooked and enjoy life. Without this, you will not be able to go on dates and communicate with people normally. Do not hesitate to seek help from a psychologist so that he reminds you of what it is like to be young and happy. There is nothing shameful in asking a specialist for help. You must leave all your problems in the past if you want to build your life and be happy in the future.
Decide what you want
This applies to absolutely all people who are looking for something new. Especially mature people after a long relationship. After a long marriage, it’s not entirely clear what you want: just to have fun, make friends or get married again?
Reflect your past relationship before returning to the game. Think about what went wrong in them that you and your partner did not like, how to prevent previous mistakes and not make new ones. Think about what you think should be in a healthy relationship, how people should behave and what qualities they should have.
Look for the main points and select the secondary ones. For example, if you do not plan to raise children with your future spouse, the issue of upbringing and religion will not be important for you. Even if you and your spouse will be of different ethnicities. You do not have to decide whether your child is a Buddhist or Catholic, what holidays to celebrate and how to raise them. Spouses can practice their religious rites separately and not interfere with anyone.
Think about what things no longer matter to you. For example, when you are young, it is important for you or your spouse to earn enough money. When you are in your middle 50, this moment will not be so important. Because you already have a good job and a stable financial position. This means that at the work of your future partner you can no longer get hung upon. It will not matter to you if the spouse does not occupy a prestigious position, because you are already stable in material terms.
Keep your first dates easy
First dates with a new person can be nervous and hectic because you are both worried. Especially if you haven't been on a date for a couple of decades. Be easy and fun, make jokes, tell stories. Do not think about what the previous relationship has done with you. They are already in the past and do not return there. Think about where you are now. You are sitting in a cafe with a new, interesting and enjoyable person. So spend time with him! And may both of you have fun and pleasure.
Try not to talk about children on your first date. As a rule, such conversations do not spark but turn you into the most ordinary parents. You must be young, cheerful and happy, and talking about children can make you tortured by old moms and dads.
Dating.com is a platform aimed at people of any age. Our benefits are:
- The broad audience of those over 50;
- More and more mature people choose Dating.com as a resource of finding a significant other;
- Friendly and easy to use interface;
- A huge database of users;
- Ability to address a Customer Service Team with any inquiries arising.