Online and real dating: how to rock a conversation with a girl

Online dating is pretty different from the casual one: it requires different types of skills and knowledge of how to keep a conversation and interest a person you’re messaging to. Though online dating is safer and it allows women to feel safe and secure while talking to a new guy, it’s also not always easy for a man to demonstrate their personality to its fullest. Sometimes it’s easy to spoil everything with just a bad pick up line and your relationship will end immediately, so learn more about how to start a conversation before ruining your chances with a girl of your dreams.

  • Andrew, 53
    Marbella, Spain
  • Abe, 26
    Shanghai, China, China
  • Elizabeth, 23
    Medellín, Colombia
  • nanhai, 48
    Hangzhou, China
  • Ysabel, 44
    Bogotá, Colombia
  • Patti, 28
    Barranquilla, Colombia
  • Adelina, 29
    Jiaxing, China
  • Silvina, 46
    Los Angeles, USA
  • Tati, 36
    Miami, USA
  • Mido, 40
    أبو ظبي, United Arab Emirates
  • Antony, 43
    Paris, France
  • Olena, 46
    Odesa, Ukraine

So, let’s say, you followed all the tips which were supposed to help you meet the right person. You approached a colleague you like with a suggestion to go out together and she agreed. Or maybe you were scrolling through dating websites and came across a perfect lady who is not only beautiful but also describes herself as the one having all the traits of character you adore. What’s next? A conversation!

And that is where awkward things start. Especially if you are an introvert, initiating a conversation is a challenge for you. But even if you are sociable, the first time you talk to a person you like puts you under a lot of stress and pressure to present yourself the best way possible. But too much effort is not a good idea: it easily betrays you and turns you into a liar and boaster.

Don’t worry, we’ve all been there and know how you feel. For a long time, people thought about a reasonable solution to the issue of the first conversation. Now we can say that multiple great tips have been created to help overcome the shyness of starting the first conversation with a girl. We collected the best ideas and now are happy to share them with you.

How to start a text conversation with a girl

Let’s start with online dating. Once you see a profile of somebody attractive, the initial thought is to come in contact and begin a dialogue which will lead to an unforgettable dating experience. Hold on, it might not be as simple as it seems.

Initiate a talk

When getting acquainted on social media, many of us think that sending a text with a simple “Hi!” is enough. Not at all. By doing this you only put your interlocutor into an uncomfortable situation and kind of delegate your own responsibilities. It is your own desire to get to know this person, but you expect her to start a discussion.

Instead of a simple greeting, which is impossible to answer in any other way rather than greeting back, include a question into your first message:

  • Even the simplest “How are you doing?” is better than nothing as it requires a more detailed answer and therefore kickstarts the conversation;
  • In case you are ready to spend some more time studying her profile, come up with a question more related to her interests or anything you have in common;
  • It is also perfect to avoid yes-or-no questions, because they don’t give as much space for discussion.

Talk hobbies and interests

As mentioned before, read a description of her profile and pick the things which are worth discussing. Don’t invent anything creative: such things are usually easy to become clueless and awkward. Simple topics like books, music, movies or travelling will do in the beginning. Some tips here include:

  • If you see she is a cinema fan, discuss movies and TV series. Sometimes it is clear that a girl is a fan of a certain genre, so a dialogue may include her favourite representatives of this category;
  • If she likes books, talk to her favourite authors, book characters or recently published novels;
  • In case she likes music, ask her for advice about her favourite musician and share some of the songs you personally like;
  • And if her hobbies include travelling, discuss the most recent of her trips or your dream destinations.

a woman is confused by the messages she has received

Spice up with emojis

In the general text is lacking emotion, especially if you are not a professional writer, who you probably aren’t. So emojis are a good tool to fill the space which in reality is taken by facial expressions and gestures. This will help to understand your feelings better. And sometimes it can drastically change the whole perception of a message.

Of course, don’t overdo it. It is not realistic to put several emojis in one message. They show too many emotions and make everything confusing. If it is not the way you act in everyday life, why bring it to online communication.

Be appropriate

While using dating sites to chat, you might expect immediate responses and guaranteed mutual interest. But dating on the Internet is not a tool that assures your 100% success.

When a girl sends a brief, meaningless response even to questions that imply a detailed answer, maybe you are just not her type.

First and the most important: don’t expect her to text back right after you send a message. Dating platforms are often used by busy people, and that implies they are not constantly available. Let it be a message in a couple of hours, but it will make sense. And don’t be pushy: if she doesn’t text you for a while, there is no need in sending more messages. It won’t speed the girl up.

On another note, make sure she is actually interested in you. When a girl sends a brief, meaningless response even to questions that imply a detailed answer, maybe you are just not her type. She might even tell you this directly, and in case this happens don’t insist on continuing communication as it won’t lead to a happy ending.

How to start a conversation with a girl on a first date

Enough about online dating, let’s discuss first date communication. A good conversation on a first date is a guarantor of a second meeting and further relationship development. So here is what you do to keep it on point.

Be open

Yes, you are nervous. But so is she. A first date is an exciting event for both partners and there is nothing wrong in telling you you are kind of worried. When you tell your date about it, first of all, she might admit her vulnerability too. But also it lowers expectations and if something goes wrong or you say an inappropriate thing, obviously, your nervousness is the reason for it.

Yes, you are nervous. But so is she.

But at the same time, don’t focus on it too much. Mentioning it at the beginning of your date is fine, but there is no need to concentrate the whole discussion around your feelings. You are there to get to know each other, and drowning in awkwardness is not the way to do it.

Don’t mistake your date for your therapist

Oversharing is very common on first dates. The advice of getting to know more about each other is taken too literally and people go into unnecessary details about their biography. Think carefully about what is a good thing for your date to know from the very beginning and what is better to be told when you get closer.

Girls love guys who they can have a fun time with.

Another “no” is complaining. Even if the day before the date was not the best one, sharing too many facts about it is not the best idea. Girls love guys who they can have a fun time with, and a person who is constantly troubled over the first meeting doesn’t make the right impression.

Moreover, a first date probably means you don’t know each other too well. You definitely have friends or family members who are always ready to listen and help, but your new girlfriend doesn’t deserve to deal with your problems from the very start.

a young Asian man is sad because of his messages

Say “no” to ex-shaming

And who knows which rumours you would tell in case you broke up?

You know what makes the worst impression on the first date? Talk about your exes in a negative light. Discussing previous partners is an unavoidable thing when two people just begin to date, but let it be a representation of your positive experience. Don’t speak too much about the reasons you broke up. People never really tend to admit their own mistakes, so such discussion may only lead to your new girlfriend imagining your ex a monster. And who knows which rumours you would tell in case you broke up?

And, again, if you just recently went through a breakup, you might get a desire to share your pain. But it only shows your new partner that you might not have overcome the previous attraction and are just trying to fill the void with dating random people. It doesn’t really add points to your account, so the second date will not necessarily happen in this case.

Radiate honesty

It is impossible to overestimate an input into the future trust you make on the first date. The best strategy is to be honest from the start so that your girlfriend knew she could trust you. Again, remember not to overshare, but tell your date everything she wants to know honestly.

Remember, that even petty lies have the potential to ruin your relationship. Of course, you want to show the best version of yourself, but it should be the best version of a real you, not an imaginary character you are eager to be.

  • First of all, the truth will eventually come out and your girlfriend may be disappointed because she expected too much from you - but it will be your fault, as you fed her with unrealistic expectations;
  • And all in all, it is impossible to trust somebody, who hides the truth.

But that not only relates to telling the truth about yourself. As you are just getting to know more about each other, the first date might not go as planned because you find out there are certain traits that annoy you in your girlfriend or the ones you just can’t stand. For example, she could be rude to waiters or shop assistants. Or spread rumours about your common friends. Or maybe even feel possessive and try to alter your personality to make it comfortable for her.

You are not supposed to tolerate the actions which make you feel wrong. When you go on a date, you expect to find a compatible partner, but not someone who you will have to endure. Eventually, you won’t be able to hold the anger. So it is better to approach the matter straight before your relationship doesn't go too far.

a happy woman is reading her messages via her smartphone

Do not discuss money

It is appropriate to find out how your date feels about men paying for a date dinner so that you don’t have a row about it at the end of the evening. But other than that, money (and politics) are not a topic to discuss on a first date.

It doesn’t feel right, because speaking about the money you both will feel too materialistic, as if you want to know the financial abilities of your partner and judge the profit of your relationship. Even if you really like the person, talking about money and business, you will catch yourself with a thought of presents he or she can afford or material input they can make into your future family. Here is what you shouldn’t bring up:

  • salary size;
  • having a car or judging by its price;
  • owning an apartment;
  • loans or credits.

Don’t plan ahead

When you meet a person you like, it is natural to start planning your activities together. But don’t bring the second date or long-going plans up before the first date ends. You haven’t yet discovered the personality of a possible significant other fully, so it will not necessarily be a lucky card, but rather a disappointment.

The same may come from the other side. Don’t forget that this is your girlfriend’s opinion, so before assuming you will live happily ever after, wait until the date ends. If in your eyes everything went perfectly, address the possibility of a second date. But be respectful of any answer you get, even if it is a rejection. Maybe it was just not the right person or not the right time.

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