Approach your potential girlfriend

Most single people wouldn’t mind meeting someone special for dating and relationships: whether they already have a person they like but can’t make things work or haven’t met their potential partner yet, they probably sometimes think of their chances to find someone very special for romance. While some people have difficulties with developing their relationships and bringing them on a new level, the others can’t even start the conversation with an attractive stranger: they are so afraid of being rejected that they would prefer to do nothing and guarantee their failure. There are so many examples of guys being nervous to approach in romcoms and real-life that most men consider starting a conversation with a beautiful lady hard: our imagination creates awful and embarrassing pictures of our possible failure that it makes our knees shiver. In reality, which is usually not as bad as we assumed it is, the approach is not a form of art which can be learned only by the chosen ones: you just need to gain some confidence and understand the situation.

  • Adelina, 29
    Jiaxing, China
  • Patti, 28
    Barranquilla, Colombia
  • Antony, 43
    Paris, France
  • Sarah, 32
    Manila, Philippines
  • Ysabel, 44
    Bogotá, Colombia
  • Julieth, 29
    Bogotá, Colombia
  • Enos, 39
    Hangzhou, China
  • Jermaine, 31
    Cebu City, Philippines
  • Silvina, 47
    Los Angeles, USA
  • Karina, 23
    Boca Raton, USA
  • Lera, 26
    Kyiv, Ukraine
  • Damian, 38
    São Paulo, Brazil

Lots of men of different ages are interested in how to approach a girl: though it’s often assumed that only young and inexperienced men struggle from shyness and lack of confidence while approaching, there are actually lots of adults who feel nervous and anxious about it as well. Even if there are a few really mean girls out there who can react inappropriately rude or offensive, your chances to meet them are pretty low: this kind of woman is usually visible from afar because of their mimics and manners and you definitely won’t miss it. Even if a nice lady says no to your approach, she will probably do it politely and in a nice manner, so you shouldn’t take it personally and see it as an offence. Finally, she might agree to get acquainted with you - and you’d feel that it was an amazing idea to approach.

Though some men seem to have a natural talent to approach effortlessly, it doesn’t mean that shy and introverted men are hopeless. We meet new people pretty often and it doesn’t seem extremely hard for most people to start a conversation with them. Even an extremely introverted guy can learn the skill of approaching to meet his potential partner: only your attitude matters when you want to try approaching someone, so the most important thing you need to learn is how to think about it correctly to avoid unconfidence and possible disappointments. Lots of people learn this skill only while dating over 30 but sometimes it’s quite easy to learn that if you understand your character and analyze your feelings and behaviour a lot.

Why it’s important to know how to approach a girl you like

a young couple is talking while being on classes

Though some guys might think that it’s extremely hard to approach, it’s not a science or some kind of sorcery to start a conversation with a new person. If you have enough courage to talk to an attractive female shop assistant or to communicate with your female friends and coworkers, then you have no problems in talking to women in general. The only thing which is different when you approach a girl you like is that you think that in her eyes you have no visible reasons to talk to her, and therefore you do something which might deserve her disapproval or misunderstanding. In fact, there’s nothing special in being interested in an attractive woman enough to try talking to her: when you behave friendly and casually and don’t have any extreme expectations you shouldn’t feel so embarrassed or nervous to do that. She definitely might be disinterested in meeting new guys at the moment, but her “no” is not the end of the world: stop thinking of it as something terrible and assume that she has a boyfriend to move on easily.

There are lots of amazingly beautiful women around who are single at the moment and wouldn’t mind dating you - the only problem is to find them.

There are lots of untold love stories which could actually happen if a guy knew in advance how to approach a girl. Lots of young men are terrified to think that a girl might consider them “ugly” or “lame” but forget that random people can’t define them and influence their condition in any way. The only thing a girl can say to you is whether she finds you attractive\interesting enough to spend her time or not: there’s nothing you can do with other people’s tastes and priorities, but the good news is that people’s opinions differ. There are lots of amazingly beautiful women around who are single at the moment and wouldn’t mind dating you - the only problem is to find them. It’s very exhausting to spend lots of time to find a partner sometimes, but it's definitely worth it: just be patient and try again and again.

You should always remember that there are no unwritten rules of how a good approach should look like: we’re all different and our reaction to anything can change because of a bad day, mood, weather or any other conditions. A single girl who would find you pretty attractive on a good day might have a terrible day at work which makes her absolutely disinterested in meeting new people. She might also be very shy or incredulous towards new people because sometimes they actually can be pretty harmful - so don’t judge her and demonstrate your positive side to the world.

How to fail approaching a girl

a man in a spacesuit sitting on his bed with his dog

Though it’s pretty important to know how to approach, it’s even more essential to be aware of how not to do that. There are a few things you need to know to succeed but there are also a few things which can repel girls completely - so you need to avoid some obvious mistakes. Lots of things are just considered “normal” while others aren’t because it’s based on our culture and views: dating American women is often different from dating ladies from other countries because of the different cultural background. There are always exceptions, but your diffidence, inappropriate behavior or inability to choose the right moment can spoil everything, so be careful with these things.

Remember that there’s basically nothing to be worried or nervous about: though some men still assume that all women are from another planet, they are just the same humans with the same needs, wishes, fears and hopes. Lots of them would like to be approached more often because they’re single and want to meet someone special, and just like many guys they don’t always know exactly what they want and how it should look like. Take a deep breath and go for it - just remember about a few things:

  • It’s the right way to fail when you approach a girl who looks sad or upset. A person in a bad mood is usually not into random romantic conversations with strangers because they have lots of other things to be worried about. At the same time, a sad or visibly nervous girl can be a good opportunity to start a conversation when you completely avoid any romantic undertones in your approach: ask her if she’s or and offer your help with anything, and it can be a great reason to communicate with her;
  • Don’t try to get acquainted with a woman who looks very busy or preoccupied. If you see a pretty lady in a cafe who is working on her laptop and looks very busy, then it might be not a great idea to distract her. Her facial expression can tell you a lot about her: in some situations, you can ask her about her work or ask for advice to start a dialogue, but when she looks like she’s about to have a deadline on her project -then leave her alone;
  • It’s better not to interrupt her conversation when she clearly is spending time with her friends and enjoying her communication with them. Once again, it might be controversial: sometimes girls hang out together when they want to meet guys because they are also nervous and need some support. At the same time, when you clearly see that she has an interesting dialogue with her friend and she looks very excited and involved in a conversation - then it’s better not to distract her;
  • Don’t even start creating an ideal image of her in your head in detail. That’s pretty normal for people to have an image of an ideal unrealistic partner in their heads, but you shouldn’t have any expectations in advance. It’s always a bad idea to idealize people because it often leads to a disappointment, so meet new people and learn them without any images in your head;
  • Don’t mumble and speak confidently. Confidence is key: that’s one of the most attractive masculine qualities a man can have. It doesn’t mean that you should show off and brag about anything you have: just have dignity and make sure your voice sounds fine and confident. Mind your posture as well: keep your spine and shoulders straight and don’t act like a scared little boy;
  • Avoid primitive cheesy pick-up lines. That might be surprising for many men, but women actually hate silly and vulgar pick-up lines some men make: they might work from exceptionally attractive and successful guys sometimes, but let’s be honest - their success doesn’t come from these phrases at all. The only way you can possibly use “traditional” pick-up lines is super ironical - but make sure to make your irony very, very easy to understand;
  • Don’t be reserved and visibly nervous. If you decide to start a conversation with a girl, then be ready that she can actually be interested in talking to you, so you’d better be a good interlocutor. You need to know exactly what to say and what to ask her, so prepare in advance and be ready to talk a lot;
  • Don’t insult her or react inadequately if she doesn’t want to talk to you. A man who becomes rude and immature in a second is definitely someone who doesn’t deserve any woman’s attention - so have your dignity and don’t confuse it with an inflamed ego. Just smile and leave - and that reaction will be the most decent in any situation;
  • Don’t ask for her number right away. Be sure that things go well when you ask her for a phone number because girls actually dislike sharing their personal information with people they don’t know. It’s especially true when a girl is clearly disinterested and talks to you because she doesn’t want to be offensive or impolite - so learn to read minds and be smooth with it.

How to approach a girl correctly

a portrait of a beautiful curly girl smiling

In most cases, a man who wants to approach a girl makes it difficult for him by himself: your attitude and confidence are key factors which can increase or decrease your chances with her. A guy who sees the approach as something hard and problematic can sometimes unconsciously cause lots of problems when approaching a girl, so learn to relax and to stay concentrated when talking to new attractive people around.

A guy who sees the approach as something hard and problematic can sometimes unconsciously cause lots of problems when approaching a girl.

There’s obviously no ultimate way to approach a girl and to be guaranteed to succeed: every way is pretty unique and works differently on random people because of their preferences, views, hobbies or interests. While some women prefer a traditional and very formal approach, the others might like humorous ways of starting a dialogue or just nice casual conversations. You never know what kind of girl is in front of you, so be ready to have a random reaction - just put an effort into making your approach as smooth and friendly as possible. Learn some important things about being successful while approaching in advance and go for it:

  • Plan in advance what you can say to her. If you initiate a conversation, then you actually need to know what you can say to a girl, so think about a few topics which might be interesting to discuss. Lots of guys approach without any thoughts that it actually can come out good, so they become super confused when they actually need to keep a dialogue with a girl. Speak with a lady like she's your friend and keeps casual: your humble and cheerful manner will be appreciated;
  • Learn to be confident and relaxed while speaking to girls. It's an obvious thing which can increase your chances to succeed a lot: a guy who looks like he’s about to turn red and run away can sometimes be seen as cute, but if you approach confidently, then try not to lose all your confidence in a minute. Imagine that you’re talking to your classmate or a colleague and keep it natural because your discomfort can make her feel confused as well;
  • Make sure she has time and opportunity to talk to you. There’s nothing more irritating than random people trying to talk to you when you have to leave or you should finish your work as soon as possible, and it’s always not very nice to be distracted by a stranger when you have a nice casual meeting with your best friends. Try to approach girls who don’t look busy or involved in anything they find interesting because you might be seen as an importunate guy who can’t find the right moment;
  • Respect her time and opinion. She might be busy or she might be straightforward enough to decline your approach - you shouldn’t insist or become furious because of it. She’s a person with her life and things she needs to do - don’t assume that she spends all her free time waiting for men trying to approach. Try to understand her motives and don’t force your company - there are lots of other girls around who can be more interested in you;
  • Compliment her. It’s obvious that women love receiving nice words about their appearance or intellect - just make sure your compliments don’t sound like flattery or inappropriate cheesy lines. She should feel your sincerity to feel happy about your compliment, so don’t use too pompous comparisons or poetic odes to her beauty. Compliment her hairstyle, her dress or accessories but avoid speaking about her body, lips, legs or anything else which can be sexualized because women don’t usually like talking to perverts making some bawdy comments on them;
  • Behave friendly and casual. Whether it’s actually true or not, she shouldn’t feel like your only reason to talk to her is to have sex with her - no one likes to be perceived as a sex doll without any personality or rights. Try your best to sound friendly and make it clear that you just want to talk and to know her better: though there are women who are looking only for one-night stands, there are much more ladies who are not interested in short-term relationships without any perspectives. She’s a person with feelings, thoughts, life experience and her own life, so don’t treat her like prey in your dating game;
  • Ask her for advice to start a dialogue. A good way to start a conversation is to ask her for advice or help: it gives you a decent reason to talk to her and makes it easier for her to make a decision to talk to a stranger. Ask her about anything which is remotely connected with the place or situation where you meet her: it might be a question about a good sort of coffee, nice book or film, her favourite sort of vine or her thoughts about what’s happening around. Avoid your question to be too contrived - you should look and sound like a person who is actually interested to hear the answer. Make it look casual and it can be a great opportunity to have a decent dialogue with her;
  • Be playful or use a good joke. Though lots of people think that money and appearance are crucial in terms of being successful and attractive, most women agree that intelligence and a nice sense of humour make a man almost irresistible. A guy who is not afraid to be a bit playful or humorous is extremely attractive: in the world of brutal silent machos, it’s sometimes better to be Jack Sparrow to win a lady’s heart.
author avatar

Your login link has been sent
to your email

Click the link we have sent to

If you didn't get the email, check your
spam folder or Resend confirmation