How to understand that you’re a bisexual

Love comes in different forms and shapes: in our modern world, it’s not that hard to meet people who understand that their sexual preferences differ from traditional and conservative male+female unions. Homosexuality and bisexuality have already been a part of our world: even though the number of people living on the globe is constantly growing, the percentage of people with sexual orientations other than heterosexual has always been approximately the same. The attitude towards it has changed and now more and more people can make their coming-out and date people they like without fear of being punished.

Sexuality is often considered a very personal and complicated topic to discuss. During the centuries people having other sexual orientations than heterosexual were considered out of law and punished or even killed. Nowadays, most of the Western countries accept and approve of being different because two adults can do whatever they want and love whoever they like if they are both into it. Even though some conservative countries still strongly disapprove of “sexual deviations”, most of the world has already overcome the barrier and learn to respect each other’s opinions and choices.

  • Guiying, 50
    Chongqing, China
  • Carolina, 47
    Caracas, Venezuela
  • Maximiliano, 50
    Rio de Janeiro, Brazil
  • Tatyana, 53
    Helsinki, Finland
  • Angelica, 25
    Medellín, Colombia
  • Esmeralda, 27
    Caracas, Venezuela
  • Christofer, 45
    New York, USA, USA
  • Abbas, 38
    Beirut, Lebanon
  • Mia, 46
    Chonqging, China
  • Robert, 36
    São Paulo, Brazil
  • Silvina, 46
    Los Angeles, USA
  • Dr. Andrew Ville, 50
    Rio de Janeiro, Brazil

During the history female homosexuality and bisexuality were often seen as a smaller problem for conservative society than the male one. Therefore, even in some pretty homophobic places, it’s easier to find understanding and acceptance when you’re a girl. That allows many women all over the world to experiment with their sexuality and date people of both genders if they feel interested in trying something new. Since the theme is not tabooed anymore, there are lots of opportunities to find a reliable partner for a long-term relationship or a quick one-night stand.

Sexuality might be fluid: different periods of time make us meet different people who seem really attractive, interested and like-minded.

The attitude towards non-heterosexual women has always been more tolerant because of different things: the main reason is definitely connected with the fact that heterosexual men tend to have less negativity towards them. But it might still be difficult for some women to understand what they feel and who they are really attracted to. Sexuality might be fluid: different periods of time make us meet different people who seem really attractive, interested and like-minded. But how can a woman who is questioning herself “Am I really bi?” understand is she bisexual or not?

Why it might be hard to understand the signs you are bisexual

a lesbian couple cuddling outdoors

Even though there are many people who can easily decode their feelings and emotions to understand they could be bi, there are still lots of people who are not sure or are afraid to admit the truth. Many people choose to avoid the topic and try not to think about their sexuality at all: they see their female friends only as friends admitting their attractiveness and thinking that it’s a usual heterosexual behaviour even when it’s clearly not. Also, lots of women prefer to date men not because they are actually attracted to them but because it’s socially acceptable and therefore more convenient. Lots of women feel no pleasure from their sexual and personal life like it used to be before, they start thinking about other ladies in a bit different way but often the answer “I’m bisexual” doesn’t even come to their minds.

It’s fine to be confused: many bisexual people think about themselves as straight for a long time before they understand the truth and make their life easier. It takes a lot of time and effort to fight with your own nature and that’s why many people prefer to admit who they are and enjoy life at its fullest. It might be pretty hard to understand your orientation: people don’t usually wake up in the middle of the night claiming “I think I’m bisexual” - it takes time and you need to analyse yourself well in advance.

A person’s soul is full of secrets and understanding yourself is sometimes as complicated as understanding other people well.

Just like in any other problem, there are lots of things which can make your process of finding the truth about yourself even more difficult. A person’s soul is full of secrets and understanding yourself is sometimes as complicated as understanding other people well. Society, norms of behaviour and pressure make people avoid even thinking of their real preferences. This is why people often choose to hide their non-monogamous relationships and same-sex love.These are the problems people often have while identifying themselves:

  • They are afraid of people around being judgemental. It’s one of the most widespread fears of non-heterosexual people: they are scared to be damaged, disapproved by their friends and relatives or threatened because of who they are. These problems are especially important for males who are often more judged and pressed but women face the same issues as well;
  • It’s much easier to admit your sexual orientation while living in a big city than in a small town. It’s also connected with people around and their views: people from big cities tend to be more open and tolerant towards many things because they have more information and meet more different people all the time;
  • They are not attracted equally to men and women. Even though it’s completely normal not to have a strict 50\50 ratio in your sexual preferences, many women tend to think that the fact they still love men more means they are not bisexual. As you might understand, it doesn’t work like that;
  • They are attracted to men and women in different periods of time. In that case, people often can’t figure out what’s going on with their orientation and think they’re straight or gay based on their preferences in different moments of life;
  • They are too used to being in heterosexual relationships and can’t imagine their lives being with same-sex partners. Heterosexual couples often assume stereotypical masculine and feminine roles in families and lots of people are used to this separation. It’s just too hard to think about themselves in a new way. Lots of people are afraid of their life-changing and prefer to avoid the thoughts that can turn their lives upside down;
  • They are not in love at the moment. It’s hard to question your sexuality if you have no crush on someone: in theory, we often can’t predict our feelings and emotions when we meet the person who is really special and makes us mad about them.

As you may see, it’s not that hard to analyse yourself and to admit who you really are. But there are still some things you may try to understand your orientation: you just need to be honest and true to you to know who you are.

How to understand if you are bisexual or not

a lesbian couple eating and hanging out together

There are a few questions you need to ask yourself to understand if you’re actually bi or not. Answering them might be confusing and complicated for people who have no experience and who have never been in a relationship with a same-sex partner. While the youth have more passion and they tend to be more open to experiments, adults often know themselves better and have more experience in relationships. Therefore, regardless of your age you can find yourself in an absolutely new situation and start asking yourself what does your new attraction mean.

Sometimes people who like both genders are not bisexuals - they’re pansexuals, which means that they are attracted to all interesting people regardless of their sex.

Remember that sexuality is often very fluid and flexible: you can be more attracted to men than women and still be bisexual, you can like men and women in a different way or feel only romantic attraction to some of them without any sexual drive, you can even stop liking men or women completely for a moment of your life. That’s normal: there are no strict rules about how your orientation should work. Experiment, think and analyse to find the truth about yourself:

  • First of all, you need to understand what bisexuality actually means. It might look pretty simple: when you’re attracted to both men and women you are bi. But does this mean that you should feel that attraction from the very beginning of your sexual\romantic relationship experience? Not really. You may only love men for many years until you meet the one woman you’re into and since that moment your life will change. It doesn’t mean that now you will be attracted to all beautiful women around: just like with men, your taste in women is based on your preferences and you might even only be into one or two types of ladies. Finally, you might love women romantically without wanting sex with them - and it’s pretty normal too. There are lots of women who have never had sex with the same-gender partners but are still attracted to women - just like all other people who have never had sex but know they’re straight;
  • Lots of women have a period of their life when they feel romantic interest in other women who look extremely attractive or inspiring for them. But most experts say that you can call yourself a bisexual person when this happens more than once: having a young naive crush on someone usually doesn’t count until it happens again;
  • You also need to understand what turns you on. There are lots of suitable video hostings on the Internet which can help you to understand whether you have any sexual attraction to same-sex people or not. You should remember that being attracted to people doing erotic things in the video and wanting to do all these things in real life is not the same: lots of straight people watch gay or lesbian sex videos because they like it but don’t practise the same in reality;
  • You need to understand what you actually feel labelling yourself as bisexual. Does it feel right to you or make you feel awkward and uncomfortable? It’s not about dealing with “awful truth about yourself”, it’s more about being comfortable in your own skin and feeling good. No one can tell you who you are - it’s up to you to discover your sexuality and preferences, so it’s your right to label yourself or not to. You know your character, preferences and likes better than the others do - so listen to your heart and you’ll find the answer;
  • Sometimes people who like both genders are not bisexuals - they’re pansexuals, which means that they are attracted to all interesting people regardless of their sex. These people often prefer not to divide their partners into “male” or “female” periods of their lives - it’s not important for them who they are dating, because they pay attention to being like-minded and mentally connected;
  • You don’t have to be “allowed” to call yourself bisexual - that’s about how you feel and identify yourself, so you don’t need to look or behave like a stereotypical bisexual person to be one. Your comfort is the main priority and in our modern world, everyone has the right and opportunities to become happy dating anyone they want.
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