It cannot be said whether people consciously choose the format of distant relationships, not accepting more geographically close options, or are forced to find themselves in a situation of love thousands of kilometers away.
So, how did we get where we are?
There are three main reasons for long-distance relationships to develop:
- 1. People have to leave for a long time for objective reasons. This can be a new job, study or other circumstances that involve a change of residence. Then the partners decide: why not try to be together at a distance? You don't need to end a relationship just because a loved one is hundreds of kilometers away from you. The main thing is that both partners are sure that this is a temporary difficulty and they will be there again.
- 2. People often meet on the Internet. It is not surprising that they begin their relationship in the same way, planning in the future to "bring" them into reality. If you have found a person who is close to you and with whom you coincide in many respects, then why do you need to choose someone closer geographically? When the whole globe is "open" for you, then you want to take advantage of this and find the most suitable person for you.
- 3. People often fall in love with business trips, tourist trips and travel. And if earlier the holiday romance was initially doomed, now, when we spend most of the day buried in a smartphone, there is nothing surprising in the fact that the love of our life also “lives" in the device.
Relationships at a distance can await you in the most unexpected places - on the sunny coast of Italy during vacation or at a scientific symposium in Berlin.
Today long distance relationships are mostly associated with Internet chats and dating sites, but don't jump to conclusions that fast. Relationships at a distance can await you in the most unexpected places - on the sunny coast of Italy during vacation or at a scientific symposium in Berlin. After all, you cannot tell your heart what to feel. You understand that it would be much more convenient if we chose a loved one according to the parameters of a convenient location to the house and financial wealth. Then you could love Peter or Bella from the next doorway: your mothers are friends, and you went to the same kindergarten - solid pluses! But the problem is that it does not work like that.
Relationships at a distance: what are the difficulties?
Psychologists have such a term - mutual recognition. This is the ability of a person to enjoy the fact that he receives any information about another person, it memes him or her satisfied. As a result of the accumulation of such information, an affectionate attitude towards this person arises. So, mutual recognition is a very long-term process that takes place throughout life. It builds a mother's love for her child, family and friendships. But for recognition to be successful, it must be continuous. Half a year apart is already close to the critical low mark to ruin connection and passion between two people.
Even a couple of hours difference can be inconvenient and trigger a lot if you are supposed to work or study.
Besides, your partner isn’t physically here for you to support during hard times. Imagine the situation: you are sick. And all you can get is a sympathetic look through the monitor via video-call. And tea with lemon has to be made by itself. Or another situation: you were invited to a birthday party, where everyone will be with their loved ones. Who are you going to come with? With the picture on your phone? Yes, and this is the maximum you can get there. And there are thousands of such examples…
You have to adjust to the partner's schedule. When it's noon in Moscow, it's deep night in New York. Couples living in different time zones, for the sake of communication with a loved one, you have to get enough sleep. Even a couple of hours difference can be inconvenient and trigger a lot if you are supposed to work or study.
You also have to adapt to each other for meetings. For example, taking a vacation at the same time to spend it together. From here, by the way, another disadvantage of long-distance relations follows: money is needed for constant flights and transfers, as well as for long-distance communication.
Long-distance relationships: is it worth it?
Any coin has two sides. There are no universal recipes for happiness, suitable for all occasions. Therefore, there are reasons why long-distance relationships have a right to exist and a happy ending in the form of a wedding. And the reasons are as follows:
- 1. This is real love and you can swear you’re right - “The love of my life" - my own part of happiness. Decide for yourself whether the presence of this person in your life is making you happy or you can do without him or her without much loss. And no matter how trite it sounds, time will tell - will you get bored in a week without going to the cinema arm in arm with someone, or will you wait for the long-awaited meeting for six months. But if you understand that no one around you cares about your heart like him or her, and only he or she can listen and calm down, and even from a simple telephone conversation you get more emotions than from going to a restaurant with someone else - then try to enjoy it... After all, you must admit, it is better to be in love with someone who is far away than not to be in love at all. Millions of people are looking for their soulmate and true love all their lives and do not always find it. And if you are lucky that you have met kindred souls in each other's faces, and even kilometers cannot let your feelings fade away, you need to appreciate and fight for it.
- 2. Your aspirations are the same (or at least similar). Both you and your partner decided for yourself that you want to be together no matter what - this is your common desire. Both of you make an effort to maintain and maintain the relationship. You become a team, a couple, and the period of separation is a forced and temporary obstacle, nothing more. But what if only one of you, for example, you know for sure that you want to be with him or her and you are ready to wait for meetings, and he or she suddenly says that he is tired of everything? Yes, it hurts. But if a person was able to abandon you through the fault of kilometers, can we talk about genuine feelings? Can love be measured by convenience? This is the essence and incomprehensibility of this feeling - the heart is subject to what the mind cannot understand. Therefore, if he or she abandoned you, it is simply not your person. And there is no tragedy as such - life itself shows who should stay and who should leave.
Long-distance relationships: tips to help you
Being in long-distance relationships is suitable for everyone: it’s a good idea for young people and people dating over 30 because it’s based on communication and mutual interests. If you do decide to fight for your distant love, here are some tips on how to maintain that relationship:
- 1.Try to be in touch as much as possible. A million ways have now been invented for this. Let's say thanks to the progress that we do not live in the Middle Ages, when one letter could wait for several months. Tell him or her how the day went, ask about his day - let you be involved in each other's life. Send photos, shoot videos and use all the achievements of electronics that are useful in your case to the maximum.
- 2. Meet as often as possible. One bright emotional meeting will stimulate both you and your partner.
- 3. Don't make him or her jealous and don't be jealous yourself. Imagine the thoughts of your loved one: you are here alone, so beautiful, everyone is just waiting for the moment to invite you for a cup of coffee. And he or she is there, hundreds of kilometers away. Therefore, it is necessary to add jealousy in very limited doses. And do not be jealous - if he is still with you, it means that these relationships are dear to him, just like you, because your love spends the same efforts on them! He or she chooses you from all every time, and you are special!
- 4. Benefit. If your love is a foreigner, learn his or her language. Nothing motivates you like love. Take advantage of the fact that so much time remains for yourself. After all, you still receive a charge from love, even at a distance, and this is the most powerful source of energy of all. Learn new things, sign up for yoga, start blogging - when you do not have this "feeling of weightlessness", it is much more difficult to force yourself to do all this.
- 5. Don't turn your life into a waiting room. Life does not stand still, you should not construct an altar at home with its photographs and dried flowers. Communicate, live, be open to new acquaintances and experiences. We repeat once again - if this is really “your person", then no matter how many people invite you to drink coffee, you will still love only one person.
- 6. One last tip. Only you can decide whether to be with this person together or not. Neither your friends, nor even your parents can understand your feelings. And only you two, you and your boyfriend, know for sure what's really between you. After all, why not give it a try? As you know, there is only one surest way to lose - not to try at all. What if everything will turn out, and after many years you will be together telling your grandchildren the story of your acquaintance?
Do not hide emotions… and yourself
While it's easier to hide emotions in long-distance relationships, sharing them is essential. And since you do not see a person's facial expressions, his eyes, his posture, you need to learn to articulate your feelings.
Remember boundaries. A person may not want to talk, or it may just be uncomfortable for him to use the gadget, even if you see that he is online. He may get tired - from work or even from you. Respect the desire of your partner to be alone: persistent knocking on the chat can be harassing no worse than "dripping on the brains" in person. The world wouldn’t disappear if he or she didn’t text you in five minutes. It existed before you met your love and will stay stable for some more time.
If you're planning on living together, keep in mind that sometimes little things like a dirty cup can ruin your ideal long distance romance.
See each other online, discuss habits and plans in conversations. If you're planning on living together, keep in mind that sometimes little things like a dirty cup can ruin your ideal long distance romance. It is better to find out about each other's bad habits in advance in order to prepare mentally.
They say, if you want a long distance relationship... Be prepared for challenges. Put some effort. When you move out, fantasies will not coincide with reality for both - you need to be ready for this in order to survive this stage with each other. Think about your couple not as about “you and I", “you and me", but as about “we", “us" - like your couple is really something special. That helps to overcome difficulties to live happily ever after.
How to text your long-distance partner
Usually when you start dating someone online for the first time you do not know how to communicate with him or her correctly without grabbing so much space and time. There are some rules to follow not to get bored while communicating with your partner.
- 1. Rule of reciprocity. When you are far from each other, it is very difficult to understand how your feelings are mutual and whether a person likes you so much. In a fit of love, it is easy to get carried away and start writing messages one after the other, without receiving answers in the proper proportion, which will ultimately lead to rejection from the partner. Try to find a balance: tell him that you enjoy receiving news from him to motivate him to write more often.
- 2. Write and forget. While waiting for a response from your partner, you often screw yourself up by checking your phone every five minutes or more. Unnecessary stress can be avoided by changing the purpose of your message in your head: you wrote it not in order to get an immediate response, but in order to simply communicate some news. Understand this, and the wait will no longer be so tedious.
- 3. Step by step. Don't send hundreds of messages, especially if your partner isn't particularly talkative. Stick to a balance: he wrote to you, you answered him, and vice versa. You don't have to text 24 hours a day to stay in touch.
- 4. Be spontaneous. Even in a long-distance relationship, sooner or later a routine begins: you send messages and call up at the same time every day, write predictable texts, which makes your romance lose its zest. Try to be spontaneous and surprise your partner regularly by sending an unexpected message with sexy content or a funny sticker.
- 5. Learn to tease. Flirtation in messages will help maintain a spark between you. One of the best ways is to give an ambiguous compliment (“I love talking to you so much ... but maybe not today!"). However, make sure your partner understands your humor first.
- 6. Pause, chill out the Internet space from time to time. In other words, do not rush to immediately respond to the message, but wait ten minutes. This is a good way to maintain interest in your partner and not appear intrusive.
- 7. Never swear over messaging. If it comes to an argument, try to transfer it into a telephone conversation or arrange a video call on Viber. According to research, 55% of our perception of a person's reaction depends on their facial expressions, 38% on their tone of voice and only 7% is based on words.
Thus, having a messaging dispute is a whopping 93% guesswork. In addition, on the phone, you are likely to reconcile faster, while in the messenger, your showdown may take a couple of days.
In addition, everything you said on the phone will quickly be forgotten, and the messages will be stored in the chat for a long time, and you probably want to reread them, which is completely useless.
Starting such a relationship
You can easily find a partner to start a long distance relationship online. It is going to be an unforgettable passionate adventure full of dreams and plans. Your relationship should be comfortable for both of the lovers - do not forget it. If you feel cool and the other person does not feel like that - that’s not how healthy relationships work - that's a pretty bad experience. Some of the couples who have been dating online then move in together and live happily, others fall apart because of unjustified expectations and it’s totally ok. To escape such unhappy endings you should talk to each other and be able to listen to each other attentively to keep an “interested" state of mind.
Relationships won't last long without honesty.
How to start a long distance relationship? You just have to meet the right person - and who knows, maybe he or she will become the love of your whole life. Just remember that honesty is key. It can be hard for understanding. but... Relationships won't last long without honesty. Being apart is already hard, and unspoken grievances will only exacerbate the situation. To prevent this from happening, discuss your views, habits and resentments, tell how you feel about various controversial things. That’s always a good idea.
At the very beginning of such relations, it is important for partners to discuss why they need these relations in this format, what are the options for the development of events: “We would move in together in a few months" and “We don’t know what to do" are two different vectors. If for one it is just a relationship for a while, and for another it is the hope of migration to another country, then it is better to clarify these expectations at the start. To avoid disappointed hopes. It is also important to agree on the frequency and mode of communication. About whether it is possible to have a sexual relationship with someone else. About what would be considered treason. About who pays the costs of organizing meetings - sometimes that’s the point.
Look for someone who will change addresses and passwords for your sake, start life from scratch, but be ready for shocks yourself. If this is not about you, then look around: maybe there are worthy men in your hometown who are just waiting for you to start messaging with them. Go and gain your happiness.