Open relationship dating
Open relationship dating or polyamory, though, is a controversial subject for discussion, still gaining popularity in modern society. You might have come across such people on dating sites and apps and wondered how it works. Some consider polyamorous people as libertines, but it is not really the case. An open relationship involves all traits of general affairs and is based on feelings and attachments.
To break the term down for those who are not familiar with it, an open relationship implies a person having more than one love affair or sexual relationship at the same time. Do not confuse it with plain cheating: everybody in this relationship acknowledges their partner’s bonds with somebody else and everything happens consensually. Each polyamorous relationship also differs from one another. Some prefer being in a relationship with several people together, some like having “couples” with more than one person.
In modern society, it’s a very controversial topic because most people still prefer traditional couples with two people involved in a romantic relationship while the others are convinced that living in this fast-changing world for 70 years or more it’s completely impossible to keep a level of passion and interest in a person on the same high level. Also, people often state that in the open world full of interesting people it’s not a big deal to be interested in someone else except your partner - especially if the partner is interested in this person too.
If you are curious about how polyamory works or are eager to try it yourself, here are some facts and advice that will help you untangle this tie.
Honesty is the best policy
The crucial point in open relationships is being honest.
It is not always easy, as everything in need of discussion is considered personal and therefore nobody is willing to raise this subject too often. But lack of transparency about your preferences might bring your date into a confused state. Some happen to be strongly monogamous, others have misconceptions about what being in an open relationship is like. But whatever the reason is for a partner-to-be, the responsibility of a poly person is to make sure everybody is aware of what’s going on.
You shouldn’t assume that the person you’ve never asked about the polyamorous relationships will accept the idea or totally refuse it. Nowadays it’s pretty difficult to predict other people’s reactions to anything, so being honest and straightforward is your strongest weapon as well as your best tool. More than that, remember that the way you choose to give the information can affect a person’s opinion a lot.
Best time to start is while creating a profile on a dating app or during the first conversation if you met your crush offline. If being upfront with the fact of polyamory seems too daring, the best way of warning your date is to bring the subject up in the conversation as soon as possible. This might turn away a certain number of people, but when you end up on a date with somebody, you will be totally sure an open relationship is accepted by your partner. Also, nobody will feel sorry or angry if this fact comes out later on a serious stage already. So honesty is the best way to save time and nerves, both yours and your alleged date.
Obviously, don't forget that words like “do what you want” or “I don’t care” don’t mean your partner approves your idea of finding another partner for a polyamorous relationship. Monitor your partner’s reaction and emotions to understand their real attitude completely in advance, or else you’ll risk losing them.
Another thing that needs clarification from the very beginning are your limits and what you actually consider as an open relationship. As polyamory takes all kinds and forms, even if you find somebody with the same preferences it doesn’t automatically imply having the same views on it.
Understanding what your boundaries are is a crucial thing. If you are already in a relationship and seeking a partner to communicate with simultaneously, it is obligatory to also discuss the subject with your current significant other. Even if you are single, take it seriously and think deeply about what you can allow into your life and what should be kept outside. Make sure to talk it through so that no miscommunications appear.
Setting boundaries doesn’t mean you do it once and for all.
As time goes, it is possible to realise that your opinion of things has changed. What used to be a habit now may start feeling uncomfortable. If such a case happens, it’s better to raise the discussion on boundaries once more. You don’t want to sacrifice your own comfort for somebody else’s pleasure.
Even though some people might think that coping with stress and pressing their real feelings and emotions can help them to save their relationships or other persons’ feelings it’s almost never like that. People should remember that every “couple” has equal members in it and everyone’s feelings matter there. So if you’re sure that you feel discomfort and stress then it’s better to discuss the problem as soon as possible. Otherwise, the problems can just grow until the moment the relationship is completely broken.
Dealing with negativity
If you are clear about looking for an open relationship, especially if you mention it in your profile, it often makes you deal with negativity.
- There are people who had a bad experience with polyamorous partners;
- Those who disapprove of any non-monogamy affair;
- It’s also easy to come across with those who were cheated on and is just mistaken.
- It doesn’t necessarily come from a future date. There are passers-by, especially on social media and dating apps, where distance and virtuality of communication makes it seem almost unreal and uncontrolled.
So if you are open about intentions of getting into a non-monogamous relationship, it is not uncommon to get messages from a person thinking you are willing to steal their partner and break their marriage.
Another scary thing that you might come across is being out for your family and friends. As with any other coming out, it’s stressful as you never know how those close to you are going to react. Mostly it’s the older generation that you expect negativity from, but young relatives and acquaintances can also be judgemental. One more fear concerns rumours in the workplace. It’s not a good intention to discuss personal life in a workspace, but rumours often arise between colleagues. It can make one’s life significantly more nervous and hard, so it’s natural to be afraid of judgement from people you are surrounded by.
Best apps for open relationship
If in doubt about where to start open relationship dating, try going online. The polyamory community there is broad and welcoming. Starting online also gives the chance to gain confidence first before going out and actually meeting your date eye to eye. If you are eager to have an open relationship, here is a website that might come in handy.
A place to search for polyamorous adventure online is certainly Dating.com. The mission of this website is considered to connect singles from the same area or all around the world. It allows us to use a variety of communication features to find a person most suitable for your preferences. It’s the best platform to find a perfect match or to start dating over 30, as it is specially designed for the members to have the easiest most pleasant experience of finding a special one.
Communication begins when both members like each other, so there is barely a chance to face any negativity. For those valuing mobility, Dating.com offers the use of a mobile app to make the process of finding love even more simple.