How to avoid negative consequences: recommendation
- First of all, you need to have an honest talk about swinging with your partner. You should both want it and be ready to share it with your partner. If you are not sure how your partner will react, show him or her a film with some swinger episodes or give a book about this. If your partner is interested in it - he will tell you. Then you should discuss every detail together. Without this conversation, you can make a lot of mistakes, which could lead to problems in the couple. You are to find out what is normal for you and what is “too much”;
- Slow down. There is no need to hurry. After a long conversation about your dos and don’ts, do some research online together, watch some films about swingers and read articles about this. You can also look at reviews of the clubs. Try to feel this atmosphere deeply. Speak about reasons that led you to this decision, discuss how wonderful this experience would be and how it will influence your relationship in the future;
- Next step is to set up some ground rules. You both should be honest with each other. There is no need to hide something. You may feel that foreplay is where the limits lie, if something isn’t a yes from both of you then it’s a no-no. This is the perfect way to make sure you understand your partner’s desires and that they understand yours;
- It’s time to create a profile on the Internet. Dating.com can help you to find a perfect swinger-couple for you. Do it together with your partner. You can also create an unreal profile to attract people with the same thoughts and feelings. But it’s better to use your real photos to avoid uncomfortable situations. This is also a great way of testing the water with your partner and at this point, if it doesn’t feel right or something is going you need to close your laptop. It’s better than running away from a room full of swingers;
- It’s time to plan a non-sexual meeting. You can drink a bottle of wine together and talk about everything. It’s a good chance to know each other better and to see how you feel “face to face” with your future sexual partners. After that meeting, you should discuss once again everything with your partner. It’s a great chance to appease any concerns either of you might have;
- Do it with someone online. In this case, your first swinger experience will be with someone you chose yourself with your partner. So you’ll have your initial experience the best chance of being a fantastic one.
If you pass every point without any problems, you and your partner feel like this way of personal life is for you - it’s time to go to a club and enjoy the best sides of open-relationship dating.
Clearly state your expectations, goals and desires. Other swingers need to understand what you expect from their relationship and what they can expect from you.
Some tips for you how to behave yourselves in a club:
- Introduce yourselves. It’s not so difficult. Regular phrases such as “Hello. How are you doing?” or “How do you do?” works everywhere. Just find another couple who seems interesting and who you both find appealing and talk to them;
- Strike up a conversation. Don’t start with talking about sex - you’ll confuse them. Start with simple questions and phrases such as “Is it your first visit to the club like that?” or “Do you live in the area?”. Don’t be nervous. You’ve just met new interesting people and you want to get to know them better. Maybe the couple you chose are also newbies and it’s their first time too;
- Take the couple you like to the dance floor. The best way to “feel” each other is dancing. Swinger clubs have their own magic atmosphere. It helps to get closer to your new friends;
- Go to the playrooms. You feel good, everyone is having a great time together. The energy is getting more and more sexually charged, enough so that venturing into the playrooms sounds and feels enticing.
Swingers dating online: do’s and don’ts
When you decide to diversify your personal life, it is not always clear where to look for partners. One way to find like-minded people is to search the Internet. It is scary to start from somewhere and it is not known where it will get. We will give you some recommendations to simplify your search.
What should be done:
- Post a photo. Profiles with photos receive much more responses than profiles without them. Photos should be beautiful and of high quality. It is highly advisable to publish fresh photographs, not the ones from three years ago. The more you will resemble yourself in a photograph, the better it will be with a real acquaintance. It is better to avoid drunk party photos, this can alienate potential partners. Take a photo in the park or near the house and do not forget to smile;
- Clearly state your expectations, goals and desires. Other swingers need to understand what you expect from their relationship and what they can expect from you. Do not forget to mention such important points as night shift work, domestic animals, many children and other things that you consider important and necessary to be mentioned;
- Look for a couple like you: there are lots of couples dating over 30 who would like to try something new. Customize site fittings by age, gender, race, orientation, etc. But do not steal phrases or tags from other people. You need to show that you are different from other people. Do not copy someone else, show your personality. The alien profile of a similar couple or person should serve as an example, but nothing more;
- Stay positive, be honest. If in the process of communicating with another couple, you did not like something or vice versa, say so;
- Do not be afraid to ask questions. This is especially true for your profile. Try to formulate something in your questionnaire in such a way as to encourage another user to start a discussion with you on some topic. Let other people know more about you. For example, you can write about the most beautiful place you have been to and ask people about their most beautiful place;
- Ask for constructive criticism. You can contact friends, relatives, or other users. Ask them to say what attracted them to your profile and what should be changed. Try to supplement and improve your profile more often;
- Change your profile. After they tell you about the advantages and disadvantages of your page, change your profile in accordance with the review. Periodically update your age and weight (if such sections are on the site), add or replace old photos with new ones;
- Check your spelling before posting text or sending a message. Unfortunately, errors in the text repel people. Such people are considered uneducated and illiterate and do not want to communicate with them or start a relationship. Many words have a single letter difference and radically change the meaning of the word. Be careful and read the printed text several times.
Things to avoid:
- Do not post personal information in your profile. Do not write names, surnames, phone numbers, addresses, email, job information, and so on. Use a fake name or nickname, in extreme cases, you can write the initials. You can share this information with another user via chat or in person. Even if you have nothing to hide, remember that this data can be transferred anywhere on the Internet. It’s better not to risk it and not put your life at risk;
- Avoid cliches or bad tags. You should not write that you are the one with whom your mother was not allowed to talk in childhood or about love to kiss in the rain. Perhaps once these phrases could impress or make fun, but these days they are very repulsive people;
- Select expression. Avoid rudeness or harsh language. Try to write nothing narcissistic, racist, rude slang or bragging. You should not often use abbreviations, colloquial expressions or jargon. Keep track of syntax, spelling, and punctuation. Non-classical language or explicit conversational speech is not to everyone's liking. You may be misunderstood and make up a false impression. People usually ignore such profiles and immediately switch to others. These things are very repulsive and most likely you will not be able to meet anyone. Do not let others skip your profile or ignore you;
Do it with someone online. In this case, your first swinger experience will be with someone you chose yourself with your partner.
- Be reasonable. Almost every site has an "about itself" block. It’s not worth writing one dry offer there, but you also shouldn’t throw out the entire biography from the kindergarten. Write as much as you need to understand what kind of person or couple you are. Write brief information about yourself, your desires and preferences. Imagine that you are reading someone else’s profile and think that it would be important for you to learn about a person. That is what is worth writing about yourself, no more, no less;
- Do not leave blank fields. It’s worth writing that you have no words or you don’t know what to write. People will think that you are not serious, since you can’t spend a few minutes and fill out the profile normally. People will decide that you don’t want to spend anything on relationships or somehow improve them;
- Try not to write using CAPS. It looks silly and childish. You can highlight a few words, but not the whole sentence.
As a rule, a limited number of photos can be posted on the site. For example, 1 or 2 may be available. It is very important to choose the right photos for your profile in order to show your best side and attract other people. To make everything good, you need to avoid a few points listed below:
- As a rule, a limited number of photos can be posted on the site. For example, 1 or 2 may be available. It is very important to choose the right photos for your profile in order to show your best side and attract other people. To make everything good, you should avoid a few points listed below:
- Do not post someone else's or fake photos. Try to minimize photos to edit. A large number of Photoshop scares and makes people laugh (in a bad way). Post only real fresh photos. Publish several different photos to show that a picture is a real person, not a fake;
- Be humble. Do not post photos with huge teddy bears, expensive cars or a thousand cats. Avoid photos with trophies or a large table set. Try not to publish half-naked photos with muscles. It is better not to publish photos with your children (usually prohibited on sites);
- Avoid the glamour. Glamorous photos inspire people to think of a fake. They may not believe that this is a real photograph and go around the profile. Photographed photos can be very disappointing when meeting. Imagine that the person you were waiting for is not coming to your date at all. Unpleasant, isn’t it?;
- Avoid close-up photos of your tattoos or piercings. This can only be done if you are looking for fetishists for body modifications. Some people may write to you just because of your tattoos. If this is what you are looking for, then go ahead. Other people may not like it very much. Despite our progressive age, many are still skeptical of tattoos, piercings, or scars. If you are not a fetishist, you can push away a very large audience of people. It is possible that when they get to know you better they won’t attach importance to your tattoo or piercing, but at the very beginning it can push away. Especially if this is a close-up photo;
- Avoid photos with multiple people. A person should understand with whom he will communicate and not guess which of you is his interlocutor in the photo. You should show yourself and talk about yourself, not about your friends;
- Do not post landscapes. They can be as beautiful as you like, but people will communicate with you and not with a speck next to the Sphinx somewhere out there. These photos can be useful, delightful and inspiring if a person wants a calendar. In this case, a person is looking for a person and his name must be shown.
Dating.com is a chance for your couple to find someone with the same feelings and views. It’s a chance for them to introduce you to people, places and things that you never knew that you’d love. It’s the chance that there might be more out there, something you’ve never even imagined.