The most important advice for introverts dating online

Every introverted person hears advice like “Be more confident” and “It’s nothing to be afraid of” all the time but it’s much easier to say than to actually do it. Shy people often face difficulties while approaching new people and starting to communicate with them but it doesn’t mean they have to stay alone forever. Learn how to cope with stress and what to do to start dating as a shy and introverted person.

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  • Angélica, 24
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  • Ding Haijun, 41
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Personalities are different. Every individual has their own traits which others consider strong or weak. The image of an average person given to us by the media is the one of a man or woman who is open and well-socialized. They are always into new acquaintances and fun experiences, they go to parties and meet various people who they become friends with or start to date.

In reality, there are enough people, who are not too much into the idea of going out. Being introverted doesn’t mean something is wrong, it only means that some peculiarities of character also deserve to be treated with respect. That means not being pushy and recognizing the need to be alone for some time as an important part of your own comfort.

Speaking about dating, an introverted character can be enough of trouble. When others are easily meeting each other and open up fast enough to build communication, this is a great difficulty for a shy person. Flirtatious individuals only make them confused, because it is hard to understand if somebody is really into you if you are shy. Being courteous with an attractive person is even less appealing: that requires a lot more communication skills than an introvert actually has. Learn more about how to start your first conversation with a stranger and start your way to new relationships.

Is it a shy person’s destiny to be alone? We think it is totally wrong!

Is it a shy person’s destiny to be alone? We think it is totally wrong! The modern world gives various opportunities for people of all sorts and kinds to meet the love of their life. Online dating websites are true saviours for an introvert. So we are going to give some advice to shy people who are dreaming of finally finding a life partner.

a young girl posing under the bridge

Best things introverts can do dating online

For people who are shy online dating may seem like whole torture. But we can assure you: it is the best place to start looking for love. Here are some tips for reserved individuals which will for sure lead to success.

1. Specify your preferences

Some people think that if it is hard for them to be open with others means nobody will like them. In their opinion, they are supposed to be happy with whatever person agrees to date them. We think this approach is not only wrong but harmful.

Before you even sign up to a dating website, think about what you expect from your future partner and why you are so eager to get into relationships in the first place. It has to be your own desire regardless of what your friends and relatives tell you to do. Don’t rely on common ideas about a perfect man or woman either. Even if everybody thinks that the most important things are muscles and a sense of humour, your expectations might be based on literary tastes. And that is perfectly normal!

2. Don’t hide your personality

Shy guys and girls are often insecure because they can’t really fit into society. Therefore they often hide their personality by dating online. Understanding that there is no way your interlocutor can check the given information gives certain freedom. At the same time nobody thinks about the fact that if online communication eventually comes to reality, the lies will soon be discovered.

There is no need to be fearful that people will not like you for who you are.

There is no need to be fearful that people will not like you for who you are. Yes, for some individuals interest in classical literature seems like less fun than partying often. But that doesn’t make your own tastes bad, it only means that you should keep on looking for a partner who shares such hobbies. Otherwise, such relationships wouldn’t last, as there would be nothing to keep them together.

3. Take it one step at a time

Of course, if you have been scared of communicating for all your life, it will be hard to start. Even though the difference between online and real-life dating is obvious, it still involves talking to people and the need of opening up. Don’t hurry up and take your time to get used to it.

Even creating a profile means a lot to an introvert, because it means sharing personal information to help your potential acquaintances to know you better. If it felt like enough for you, begin with that and leave a search for a partner for later. You don’t have to put out too much either and if you want, you can even mention in your profile that you are shy so that people don’t try to be pushy on you.

Limit the number of those you communicate with as well. At some dating websites, you may get a stream of messages which is for sure irritating. Don’t feel obliged to answer everybody, better pick one or two individuals who you liked the most based on their profile information. And if some dating profiles look scary to you, just ban them - value your own peace first.

4. Make the first move

It is you who wants to find somebody worthy to get in love with. So if you do nothing but wait patiently until your Prince or Princess Charming accidentally come across your profile, nothing will happen. Start your own search - this way you will make sure your potential partner is not just a random person.

But setting a search is not everything. Many people are too shy to send a message so they end up constantly scrolling through the list of options. While it can be easily understood, it still won’t lead to anything. So if you come across a profile you like, don’t hesitate to contact the person. Even a simple “Hello! How are you doing?” is enough to strike the conversation.

5. Look for compatible partners

Comfort of a timid person is often dependent on the way their close people treat them. That definitely includes similar interests and maybe even similar characters - who else can understand an introvert more than another introvert? When setting a search, point out your own interests and try to look for a person who shares them.

...a profile can tell you enough to make the judgements.

Pay attention to the way your interlocutor behaves during a conversation. You will recognize a shy pal by a manner of communication similar to your own. At the same time, a profile can tell you enough to make the judgements. Small bits of information, a short profile and a few profile pictures - these all point out to a timid person who is not a fan of oversharing.

6. Use the right platform

Choosing the right dating site is not less important than the other steps. Introverts will not be happy about swiping the profiles based mainly on appearance, nor will they enjoy a constant flood of messages. The best option will be a platform that allows you to set the criteria and have options of limiting the number of possible partners contacting you. is the best choice in this regard. First up, here there is no need to worry about safety - no personal data will be shown to other members. It is also strongly advised not to give it out before you learn more about your date. Secondly, the searching mechanism is based on a system, which requires detailed information about your tastes. That allows you to meet only compatible individuals who you can easily get mutually interested in.

a shy young couple kissing on a date

Things introverts shouldn’t do

Being shy and dating probably means you make a lot of mistakes. So apart from things to do it is worth mentioning the most important don’ts for introverts dating online.

1. Being afraid of rejection

Fear of rejection often is the reason why reserved people never even try to find a date. What happens if something goes wrong? What if a possible partner doesn’t like them back? If you are somebody prone to overthinking it will be the thing holding you back from any action.

Let’s think about this situation from another angle. What is the worst thing that could happen if you actually get rejected? You will know that this was not the right person for you and have a chance to move on. On the other hand, it might not even happen and it is very probable that you find out you are mutually in love. But if you never act, you will never know.

2. Not being involved

Getting acquainted is only a first step among hundreds of others. Be initiative and don’t rely on your partner completely. Don’t wait until your date texts you if you like him - be the first to spark up the conversation. If you feel like you want more than daily messages, suggest meeting for a coffee or going for a walk in a nice place.

You should express your opinion about the place and the activity of your future meeting and if the partner suggests a thing you are not a fan of, be sure to let them know about it.

Even if it was your partner who addressed the idea of going out together, participate actively in making the plan. You should express your opinion about the place and the activity of your future meeting and if the partner suggests a thing you are not a fan of, be sure to let them know about it.

3. Not asking for a second date

Insecurities also make shy guys and girls think that there is no way a date would like to meet them again. The thing is, discussing another meeting is awkward even for the most open-minded person. So if nobody brings the topic up at the end of the date there is no chance it will happen - your partner is not supposed to read minds neither are you.

Being too afraid to discuss it in person is fine, so if the second date didn’t come up in a real conversation, don’t be desperate. Take everything into your own hands and massage your partner thanking you for the time you spent together and asking about repeating it. When there is nobody in front of you waiting for an immediate response, it is a lot easier to get yourself together and give an answer.

a shy attractive girl is posing while covering her mouth

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