How To Get Over Someone Who You Think You'll Never Get Over

Love is everywhere: nowadays it’s pretty hard to find a song or a book where love is not the main subject of the story. Love is often compared to light, well-being, goodness, wealth and the mail value every person could possibly have. Teenagers are obsessed with their relationships, mature people are afraid to spend the rest of their lives alone. Movies often tell us that the happy ending is only possible if you have a perfect partner and you both are madly in love. It’s hard to overestimate the importance of being in a relationship with someone special who makes you extremely happy but it also makes it even harder to get over someone who you can’t be with but still have feelings for.

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Relationships are often considered the basic thing every person needs for their happiness and satisfaction. It’s essential for people to seek love, care, understanding and support. There are not really many who decide to be alone and in most cases, they have been harmed and hurt and are still afraid to trust new people and allow them into their lives. Usually, people need other people because they want to feel involved, to be a part of society and to be seen as successful in their personal lives. A good relationship is a sign of achievement and success: some people brag about it while other people are jealous. Single people can sometimes feel like they’re unattractive and worthless which leads to depression and sadness. This unhealthy perception of relationships makes almost everyone want to be in a relationship with someone because it's seen as “normal”, and that’s definitely one of the most important reasons modern people are so afraid and uncomfortable to be single: they are afraid to be considered helpless, desperate and unloved.

It’s obvious that this mentality is pretty dangerous because it makes people stay in toxic relationships that don’t make them happy and full of life. They are ready to tolerate bad attitudes and ignorance because being alone seems even worse and this can last for a pretty long time. At the same time, relationships that have unsolved problems and issues tend to fall apart. After the break-up, people feel devastated and broken and this condition can last for weeks. What’s even worse - many people continue having strong romantic feelings for their ex-partners and can’t get over them.

Of course, not every situation is like that. People break up because of different reasons: they might be too different, they may have different goals and opinions or they don’t see their common future. Also, some people tend to fall in love with someone who doesn’t feel the same way - and that’s another reason why their hearts can be broken. It’s hard to forget someone special who you used to be with but it’s not easier to get over someone you had no chance to know better because it’s easier to idealize people we don’t know well and imagine how great your relationship could be.

The process of getting over someone very special is neither easy nor fast: you should be ready to spend days and weeks working with your mentality and attitude if you want to forget someone who used to be very important for you. Every person has their limits and that’s why it’s almost impossible to say exactly how much time you need to get over someone you love. Even though sometimes it fades away like the flu, in some cases doing nothing leads to stagnation and long-term misery. You know yourself better than the others do, so read the tips on how to get over someone and find out what’s most useful for you.

That’s why getting over someone is hard

a girl lying on her bed with candies and cookies

There are different situations and people coming through their difficult periods of time can have a wide range of emotions and feelings. Some people feel grief, some people are disappointed and hopeless while the others are angry and bitter. People also have different coping mechanisms and what works for one person might not work for the other one. We don’t have tumblers to turn off our feeling of love and affection for someone - we can just distract ourselves and find happiness in different things. Time is a perfect healer but some people are not ready to wait long enough to let the wounds heal naturally.

Remember that no one is perfect and your imagination just tries to show you a perfect image of someone who doesn’t even exist. Your brain knows what perfect relationship looks like for you, so it teases you again and again.

Also, lots of people have internal issues which make it even harder to come over their feelings. Even though some of them might seem pretty obvious for people who don’t have such problems in their lives, a person struggling to fight their love can be blind and deaf and unable to see the truth. If you think there might be some unsolved issues which don’t let you get over your love, then analyze your emotions and thoughts to figure out what goes wrong. Don’t let the self-sabotage ruin your mood and chances to be happy again any soon:

  • Lots of people see their ex-partners and heartthrobs through the heart-shaped glasses. Love makes us blind and we may feel that the person we try to forget is perfect: their appearance, character, intelligence and morel features seem absolutely superior. People think that no one else can be that perfect and that feeling makes them vulnerable and helpless: it’s hard to get over someone you adore. The fact is that most people just idealize their obsession: a real person might be not as far as attractive, smart and charming as you perceive. It happens after painful break-ups and relationships which had no chances to start. Remember that no one is perfect and your imagination just tries to show you a perfect image of someone who doesn’t even exist. Your brain knows what perfect relationships look like for you, so it teases you again and again. Try using your brain and imagination in a different way: remember some unpleasant and awkward moments connected with your ex-partner you want to forget or even try to imagine some of them. Negative emotions can cool down your passion a bit and help you to see the situation more realistically;
  • People who’ve lost their relationships often feel they have no goals or no meaning in life - they think that their being (or dreaming of being) with someone made their lives colourful and now it’s gone. In fact, even though many people understand the real value of things only after losing them, lots of people tend to overvalue the things they don’t have anymore. In the very beginning of a relationship people tend to enjoy every moment of being together: they are in love and their hormones make them extremely happy and excited. Later, the emotions tend to fade: it’s usually hard to find someone who is extremely excited about their routine. Love and relationships can become routine too - until the moment you lose them. Try thinking philosophically: if you can’t change the situation then you can change your opinion and attitude. Feeling bad doesn’t change anything;
  • After breakups a lot of people feel guilty. Some of them have pretty objective reasons to feel that way: we are all humans and we make mistakes which can make us regret later. At the same time, if a person is sure that they’re the only one who's guilty then it’s often a sign of an unhealthy perception. Relationships are never a game played by one team: if something goes wrong then both partners have probably done something wrong. Don’t try to blame yourself only: guilt makes it extremely difficult to move on and get over people from our past. Also, lots of people who were rejected find the problem only in themselves: they forget that people have different tastes and you can’t force someone into loving you. You don’t have to be perfect to have attention and love too: just try your best to improve yourself in your pace and don’t let the guilt defeat you;
  • People after break up often have false hope they might continue dating the same person again. Even though most people know the objective reasons why they can’t be with a person they love anymore, they still feel like there is a chance to fix everything. They hope their ex-partners will love them again, stop cheating or having their dangerous addictions, they’ll behave better and they will be able to solve all the problems together. It’s time to admit that everything is gone not to harm you but to give you a chance to have a normal and healthy relationship. Another amazing person will love and respect you and give you all their attention which you deserve. Even though it doesn’t seem that it can become any better, remember that in a world with more than 6 billion people in it you can definitely find a perfect soulmate;
  • You might forget who you are without your partner. People in unhealthy relationships often give up hobbies, dreams and interests and spend all their free time with their partners. When they end their relationships they feel empty because a significant part of their life is gone. It takes time to remember who you are and how to live when you have too much free time to sit all alone in your room. Don’t forget you’re not just a shadow of another person: you used to have lots of things to do before you met them and it’s time to build your life anew. Go outside, meet your friends and spend some time doing your hobbies and you’ll understand that you’ve been deprived of lots of great things for a long time;
  • Lots of people have a roller coaster in their relationship. Their partners break up with them but then come back, they neglect their partner’s feelings and behave in a rude way to become soft and caring the next day. Surprisingly, the tactic makes the affection people feel even stronger: their happiness and sadness replace each other again and again and their emotions become even brighter. It’s easy to understand how strong the positive emotion is after a period of being treated like garbage, so this kind of manipulation is used pretty often. You should remember all the bad stuff the person has done to you in the first place: of course, we can’t describe someone only because of their worst features, but we shouldn’t forget how toxic and unfair people can sometimes be;
  • Also, it takes time. You can’t jump into new relationships before you’re completely cured and mentally stable after a break-up. Without it you risk being too incredulous towards new people in your life: some people even unconsciously blame their new partners for the mistakes their ex-partners made. Also, you can’t experience true happiness and affection towards new people when your heart is still taken: it’s extremely important to close a door to open another one.
  • How to get over someone you love

    a sad sleepless woman sitting on her bed

    As you may see, there are lots of factors which can create problems for everyone wanting to forget people they still love. But it doesn’t mean you have no chance: working with your issues with a psychologist or on your own can help you a lot to have great progress and overcome the difficulties. People often advise others how to get over someone you love because everyone understands how painful and unbearable it can be. The biggest problem in that condition is the fact that people often feel apathy and don’t feel like doing anything except binge-watching their favourite shows and eating junk food. Lots of people might have problems with alcohol as well and that’s why it’s so important to make an effort and break the cycle of doing nothing and being at home alone all the time.

    Even though every person is different, we all are pretty alike in our coping mechanisms and ways we fight with our problems.

    There are some tips on what to do to get rid of feelings you don’t want to have. Even if some of them are not attached to your situation, you still can find something useful for you. Even though every person is different, we all are pretty alike in our coping mechanisms and ways we fight with our problems. If your feelings tear you apart and you desperately want to stop loving someone, you can try doing some of these things:

    • Spend time outdoors and see your close people. Meet your friends: now you’ve got lots of free time to see everyone close to you. Visit your family and spend time with them as well: plan a family trip or celebrate holidays together. Do it when you’re ready: you shouldn’t pour out your negativity on them, but at the same time there are probably lots of people who are ready to help and cheer you up. Meeting close people and spending time with them can distract your mind and help you to feel life again;
    • Spend time doing your hobbies. Most people have things they really love doing but often can’t find time to do: painting, modelling, cycling, dancing or knitting can really help you to change the topic of your thoughts. You’ll soon understand that you still can enjoy things and feel satisfaction from what you do, and this feeling is awesome;
    • Try doing sports. Even if you’re not a very sporty person, physical activity can actually make you healthier, happier and stronger. You can distract yourself from unpleasant dreams and let the adrenaline fulfil you to understand you’re still alive and full of energy. The hardest part is to start, so if it seems impossible for you now, try going to a gym for ten minutes at least. When you’re already there, it’s pretty hard to stop! Also, it will help you to get better shape and feel more confident and attractive;
    • Start a diary. Even such simple things can improve your condition a lot: writing your emotions down helps to analyze, structure and understand your emotions and feelings better. Your hands are slower than your thoughts so you’ll have enough time to think and simplify your feelings. Write a diary to fight stress, depression and loneliness and you’ll feel better soon;
    • Talk with someone close to you who has an opinion about your ex-partner. Often people who are in toxic and unhealthy relationships don’t see how big the problems are because they are involved and can’t be truly objective. You need to hear your close friend’s opinion about your ex-relationship to understand how delusional you used to be: even if it was almost impossible for them to reach you before, now you’re ready to hear what they can say. Don’t be offended by their opinion: your good friends really care about you and wish you better. Anyway, if all your friends tell you that your break up is better for you, then they might be right;
    • Remember some bad stuff your ex has done to you. It might not be the kindest way to delete the feeling from your mind, but it definitely can awaken you and make you understand that there were many things you wouldn't like to have in your life again. No one wants to be treated badly, so try to be realistic: if your relationship went wrong then there's probably something which didn't work. Find that puzzle and remember it well: that's one of the reasons why your relationship is over and that's probably good;
    • Get rid of your ex-partner’s phone number and delete their page in social media. All these things bring memories you should avoid after your break up until you feel better. Also, pictures of your ex having new relationships can harm you even more: social media are filled with perfect shots of perfect people living their perfect lives and that is not what you need at the moment. Concentrate on improving your own life and admit what has happened: now you have an opportunity to start again with someone better and this time you won’t let all the old mistakes happen again;
    • Give yourself time to heal. No changes like that appear quickly: while some people need a week to get their ex out of their heads, the others need months to feel better. You shouldn’t push yourself to get rid of feelings you don’t want to have: it’s very easy to have a relapse if your wounds are not healed completely. Move at your own pace: it’s much more important to have a good result than to have it as soon as possible. There will be lots of happy days and interesting new people in your life - just get ready to face them!
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